How Do You Move On?

     Lord Jesus, I reach out to You. I stretch out my hand and I ask You to take my hand in Yours. I ask You to show me how and enable me to walk with You. During the times that I am unable to walk, I ask You to patiently sit with me or simply carry me. I need You. I make the declaration that “I will never turn away from You.” Now, I ask You, please make it so. In my own strength I cannot make my own words true. I need You. I know that You are good. I know that my future in You is good. I know that my destination is The Father. I know that my glorious wife, Yvonne, is in His Presence now and that I will see her again in due time. That is good, very good. Until then....what will my life be? Only You know and You are good; my future is good.

   After Yvonne's funeral, time passed so slowly. It still does, but amazingly, it does pass. During a time like that, however, all I could do was to tell the Lord what I just said, “Please carry me.” He did; He is so faithful, so understanding. After the memorial service in North Carolina, my prayer became, “Lord, what do I do now? Where do I go from here?” I knew the short term answer for the “where”. That was in Kamloops, British Columbia. I had already made plans to go there for ministry from the body of believers in Jesus who meet at the Kamloops Vineyard Church. It was to be a time of just rest while receiving from Jesus through His conduits who are His Lovers, those people who have His compassion and who desire to let His love flow through them to whomever will stand in the flow of His river of love.

    And so I went to Kamloops and positioned myself before the Lord my Healer. I was not disappointed! Oh my! I was not disappointed in the least! Our Lord has a beautiful heart for the hurting, for those who have a bruised, battered and broken spirit as mine was (He told me that was the case for me). My healing began the day that I arrived in Kamloops during a conversation that I had with Eric McCooeye, the leader of the home group that I would be hanging out with for most of the month of June. He briefly talked, in simple conversation, of lamentation, which is the turning of the one who is hurting to the Lord in simple trust. Lamentation is turning to the Lord and honestly pouring out the contents of a hurting heart; it is a sacrifice of praise to Him when there is intense emotional pain, overwhelming questions, anger, bewilderment, and so many other things that you don't know what to do with. Lamentation is a praise and honour to the Lord that can only be given to the Lord while on earth; there will be no circumstance in heaven that would prompt or give occasion or reason to lament.

   That conversation occurred during a drive up to McQueen Lake. We were going to a weekend retreat the home group was hosting. That very night I had an amazing, very quiet, encounter with the Lord which would be the first of numerous times of prophetic ministry during the next month.

    May I tell you about it? I am aware that I can tend to get long in my updates. However, I would like to give you an idea of what the Lord and His people did for me. Maybe, (if you like me!) you will take time to give Jesus praise and pray a blessing on His people who treated me in this way if you know what happened.

    That evening we had a time of praise, worship, prayer for everyone who wanted it (virtually all did!) and some testimonies. For me the time of worship and singing was an alone time. I had just gotten to Kamloops that day. I didn't know anyone very well although I had met Eric and a couple of the other people back in Ontario a couple of years before. I had buried my wife just 6 weeks ago. So lonely. I sat there and then knelt on the concrete floor. I was holding my hands out in front of me to the Lord. Tears streamed down my face and dripped on the floor. Oh, Jesus.

    Then, a young woman seated in my row to my right slid over to me. She remained seated, leaned forward and put her head on my right shoulder. She put her arm around my back and left shoulder. She didn't say anything, just leaned over to me. Then, a young woman seated in front of me turned around and took my right hand in hers. She just held my hand and began to pray in the Spirit. She didn't say anything to me, just prayed without understanding. Next, a woman seated next to her and in front of me turned around and reaching out, placed her hand on my chest near my heart. She didn't say anything either.

    None of them spoke to me. None of them had ever met me before. None of them knew anything about me; they didn't know my story or why I was there. They didn't ask questions. From my perspective they were young, attractive women who didn't know this man or anything about him. The only thing they knew was that the Love of Jesus moved them. They felt His compassion. They had a desire to obey His Spirit and they did.

    The only reason that I mention that they were young and attractive is that the Lord was showing me something here as well. I have always heard and have been taught that a person must be very careful in cross-gender ministry, and rightly so; again, rightly so. I absolutely believe that and have always been careful about that. Purity is a must and those situations must be guarded. But here I was having just lost my wife. I was lonely, hurting and somewhat vulnerable. Even so, I was very aware that their hearts were pure. I had no feeling other than I knew they were moved by compassion and released the love of Jesus to a hurting man. I don't even know if they knew I was a believer or just assumed so in that setting. This was also a very public setting and was a safe place.

    I am not trying to establish a precedent for anything here. I am not saying that we need to let our guards down or change anything. I just found something that, to me, was profound. I was so aware of Love. It was so healing to know that they were simply living the scripture, “love one another.” In the next weeks I was the recipient of many hugs from numerous women. This was during a time when I was so painfully aware of the lack of the comforting and delightful hugs from my wife who was always so free with her hugs and kisses to me. In a pure way, these women were ministering to my masculine soul?, spirit?, heart?, something that I was in great need of: a pure, feminine hug. What a blessing they were to me, my sisters in the Lord.

    As we simply sat there in silence, I was so aware of peace. I was so aware of comfort and compassion. I could even feel the compassion being poured out over my entire being. It was a very quiet and gentle time of healing but very powerful. My healing had begun. Even now as I think and write about it, the tears flow again. I pray I will never forget how the Lord poured out His Love over me through His people.

    About a month later as I related this experience to a pastor in Oregon, he looked at me and smiled. He said, “Yeah, that was the gift of prophetic ministry to you. The one lady held your hand to minister strength, the one lady placed her hand on your heart to minister encouragement to you and the other lady placed her head on your shoulder and her arm around your shoulders to minister comfort to you. That is part of what I Corinthians 14:2 is talking about.” He was right; that is exactly what happened. And that was the beginning of the wonderful ministry that I received during that amazing month.

    In the time that I was in Kamloops I was also the recipient of much ministry from the men, my brothers in the Lord. They also were focused on being men who were moved by the Holy Spirit and would speak and act accordingly. One of the ways that I was ministered to was very enjoyable. One of the men was, as the saying goes, “a man's man.” He was a predator hunter in his spare time. There was a sheep ranch a couple of hours away, up in the mountains. He had grown up there and had a personal interest in the safety of the sheep and the well-being of the family.

    A couple of times he invited me to go along with him to that area. He would put his .338 Win. Mag. and a 45/70 behind the seat of his Dodge Ram 4x4, stick shift, Cummins turbo diesel pickup, put a chainsaw and some safety gear and tools in the bed and off we would go on the logging roads keeping an eye out for wolves and bears. (A 45/70 is a good rifle to have in your hands if a grizzly is charging). We would stop at the store, top off the fuel tank, buy some snacks (don't tell his wife the quality of snacks!) and head for the mountains; a couple of men out for the day in the wilds of BC, (you know the grunt you could insert here). I found this to be very healing as well; it had been a long time since I had done anything like that.

    I had a deep desire and need to be in the mountains. For the last six months or so I had been totally focused on caring for Yvonne. All I had known during that time was the inside of the house, giving comfort and personal care for her at home and then in the hospital. After that was the funeral and intense sorrow. I was very willing to do that for her; I counted it a privilege from the Lord to be able to do that for her. But now I wanted very much, almost desperately, to get up someplace high, someplace where I could look out and see for miles. We found some of those places; I would just sit and look. Thank you, Lord. As we drove and bounced along those rough roads, we talked. We talked about Yvonne's death, we talked about his childhood in that area, we talked about the church in Kamloops, we talked about the turbo on his truck that needed a bigger inter-cooler, we talked about a lot of things. Sometimes the Lord's healing comes through non-religious conversation.
Sometimes, as we drove, he would look at me and begin to prophesy. He would offer his thoughts to me as being prompted by the Lord; sometimes we weren't sure the source of the words and sometimes we knew: the Lord had spoken and it was very encouraging. It is always wonderful to know that the Lord loves His people and still speaks to us in various ways. That was, and continues to be, very healing to know Jesus is right beside me and understands perfectly my thoughts, feelings and motives for decisions that I want Him to make for me. Hmm. By the way, you can't pull the wool over His eyes. How can you when He never sleeps?
     The first and main question that I had before the Lord was concerning my future. Although I continue to have many questions concerning Yvonne's death and the events leading up to it, the main thing on my mind was, “Lord, where do I go?” As the days passed in Kamloops, as I experienced over and over the loving ministry of the Body of Christ, it became pretty easy to begin thinking and wishing that the Lord would lead me to move to Kamloops. After all, it's pretty wonderful here. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the people are focused on me, etc. (I trust you heard the tongue in cheek just now).
    My enquiry of the Lord also was about my involvement with First Nations Restoration Centre where Yvonne and I had ministered together under the leadership of our wonderful friends Maurice and Louise Chisel. Yvonne and I had been, among other things, the host couple at the Centre. Now she's gone and it's pretty hard to be a host couple by yourself. Obviously, my role had changed. But where do I go? What do I do? Is my involvement with the Centre over? I also noticed that my focus, and my desire to remain focused on Ontario was waning. Lord, what are you doing? Is this me or You? Are You moving me or am I running from the painful memories that I associate with the Centre? Why am I thinking about Kamloops? Is it because the only experiences that I have there are good, pleasant, even wonderful and with no pain? I became aware that I had very little interest in remaining in the area of Northwestern Ontario.
    This awareness bothered me a great deal. If I would leave NW Ontario, what about my friends here? What about the people and the work that had been on the Lord's heart when He led us to this area? By the way, just what was on the Lord's heart for us when He brought us out of darkness into His marvelous light? What was He thinking when He led us from North Carolina to Pennsylvania? Why did He bring us from Pennsylvania to NW Ontario? Why would I think that I had reached my ultimate earthly destination in NW ON when there had been so much unfinished work in every place that I have ever been led away from? Is “the work” the bottom line for what He does in our lives and asks us to do for Him? Just wondering.
    During this time of receiving healing for my spirit, heart and soul, I have been staying very close to the Lord. I praise the Lord Jesus for His grace that has kept me from anger or hopelessness that could cause me to choose to quit my walk with Him. As devastating as Yvonne's death was to me, the questions I have because of the apparent failure of God to keep His word to us (you may not be aware of that part of our story), the many questions that even come because of the visions that were given to us in her hospital room that could bring us to doubt the Lord's motives toward us, these things brought the potential of anger and bitterness against God more than anything else. Please notice, be very aware that I said “potential of anger” and not the reality of the presence of anger.
I am not angry at God.
    No, I do not understand very many things about Him. When I compare what I am convinced that I know about Him to how big and infinite He is, then no, I don't know much. But I do know that He is Good. He is Love. He is Faithful and True. He is Worthy of all that I can bring Him with my little life. He loved my little life so much that He gave His great life to redeem mine. I know these things and more about my God. I refuse to leave what I know simply because there are some things that I do not know or understand. How little is my life anyway, when I am created in His image?
Now, back to my story.
    As I said, the main questions before me were, “where do I go” and “what do I do”? I also had mentioned that I had purposed to remain close to the Lord and to keep my spirit in tune with His Spirit; to remain in His presence with an alert heart and mind so that I may hear His voice. In this time, I have been almost desperately listening for Him. After going through this, I do not want to miss Him. I know that He is very capable to speak in such a way that I will not even be able to miss it but I find myself very attentive, to say the least.
    I constantly positioned myself to hear from Him. By this I mean that I spent time in His Word, I would talk not just to Him but spend time listening for His voice. I spent time with people who were of like mind as myself; people who were tuned into Him so that they could pass on a message from the Lord to whomever He would speak, in this case, me. And so I attended a prophetic conference in Langley, BC. While there, I signed up for a personal ministry time in which I sat down with seven people whose focus and goal was to listen to Holy Spirit on behalf of myself. The conviction of each person there was that the Lord loves to speak to His people and if we will listen expectantly, He will be delighted to honour our desire to be with Him and hear Him.
    One of the people said this: “I see a sailors hat. Your are standing on the deck of a ship with a telescope. Jesus is standing behind you with His hand on your shoulder. He is showing you where to look in a revelatory way. He is showing you and directing you to new lands. You are charting a new course. He is right with you.”
    Later, I was thinking and praying about this and the other “words” that were given to me in that fifteen minute prayer time. (I actually have pages and pages of them in my journal. I love hearing from the Lord in this way)! As I was praying for the Lord's confirmation or clarification, I was wondering if the “new lands” that were referred to were literally new lands as in a new location or new lands as in a new focus of ministry that would be new for me. Then, I heard the Lord say to me directly: “This new land is not in Red Lake. Come west. Start in Kamloops and go from there.”
So, what would you do with that? What would you do with the two other times that I heard Him speak that were just as specific as this one? It really is not very often that I hear Him speak that specifically. When He does, it tends to get my attention. Couple that with the fact that Yvonne and I had been feeling that we would be moving back to Red Lake in the near future and minister from there but this answers that question as well.
   There is one other “word” that I would like to relate. I have mentioned that I didn't have a desire to remain in NW ON any longer. I didn't know why. I have no doubt that the Lord could bring such a deep healing to me that I could even stay at the Centre in some capacity and minister there in spite of the memories. He is able and I don't want to limit His grace and power to me. However, I didn't want to stay there. Was I running away from the pain? Then, one morning I was talking to the Lord and I said to Him, “Lord, I don't want to go back to Kejick Bay. Am I resisting Your healing and Your plan for me?” Then He replied, “No. My Presence for you is gone from there. I want you to come to Kamloops.” Then I asked Him, ”What do you have for me to do in Kamloops?” His answer was, “Your work will appear to be varied but you are a specific weapon in My hand.”
    Last week I went back to Kamloops for a few days from Oregon where I have been with three of my daughters for the month of July. My purpose for the trip was to talk with the church leadership in order to see if they would feel the same as what I have been feeling. I met with them, talked with various individuals, spent time in prayer, examined the desires, dreams, the direction of my heart. And the conclusion of all this is, yes, I believe the Lord is leading me to move to Kamloops, British Columbia. The people that I have talked to as well as the leadership of the church are very excited about my joining them.
    The first people that I called and told about what I felt the Lord doing in moving me to a new location was Maurice and Louise. I told them what I was experiencing and what was in my heart. They were very supportive; very wonderful as I was sure they would be. They beautifully released me to follow the Lord's leading for my life. They prayed for me and blessed me. They are completely leaning on the Lord during this time as well. They lost a wonderful friend in Yvonne and are hurting as they receive His healing. They have so many questions as do I. They too prayed, wept, and trusted the Lord for Yvonne. And now they hurt but continue to look to the Lord. What's next for them? They have been so faithful to the Lord over the years as they experienced the fulfilment of the vision of the Centre that the Lord had given them. Now that has changed. What would the Lord do for them? Please pray for them as well.
   So, now what? I plan to arrive back at Kejick Bay on August 14 and begin packing. I will arrive in Kamloops sometime in the last week of August. I don't know yet whether I will use a moving company or rent a U-Haul. Renting a U-Haul will cost around $5000.00 with fuel and taxes; I haven't yet heard back from the moving company with their price. I suspect I will rent a U-Haul truck and trailer for my vehicle.
   Now, here is something that I wonder about. When the Lord moved my family and I to NW ON back in 1996, it was for a specific work located in Stormer Lake. The focus was for the First Nations people of NW Ontario. That location is changing and maybe the focus as well. Certainly, the focus is expanding. The work that I will be involved in has not been specified and I believe that I also will be doing more travelling as I minister in whatever capacity the Lord has prepared me for. But I don't really know what that will be.
   My question for you as my supporters in prayer and finances is, what would the Lord have you do? I don't know if there will be any income from any other source or work that I will do. I do know that my expenses will increase, perhaps dramatically. I will need to rent a house or apartment, which will probably be around $1000.00/month, which is an expense that I don't have at this time. I would love for the Lord to provide a place for a small workshop for my woodworking tools which I haven't been able to use very much since Stormer. Maybe I'll have to sell the tools, I don't know. I'm just not sure what is yet to come.
   I know that the church leadership in Kamloops are very supportive and are seeking the Lord for His direction and are brainstorming ideas for ministry opportunities, especially toward men who want to be mentored in life skills and who also may be interested in learning more of God and walking with Him. This is something that I would like to be involved with. I also believe that my involvement with ministry to or with Native people is not over. I don't know just what it will look like but there is still something there in my heart for the Native people.
   What I am asking you to do, as I know you have done numerous times before, is to simply ask the Lord for His direction. What would He have you to do? As there are changes occurring in my work and location; as this may not be what you feel in your heart that you want to support, I want you to know that I release you to do and support whatever else the Lord has placed in your heart. I know and declare that the Lord, He is God, and we are His people. Lord Jesus will build His Kingdom and He has graciously invited each of us to join Him in that work in various ways.
I certainly am not saying that I no longer need your prayers and financial support. I actually am going to need to expand my support base somehow. What I don't want is for anyone to feel “stuck” in supporting me. I trust Holy Spirit to lead and speak to each of us in our own involvement in the Kingdom.
   May the Lord bless you. May the Peace of God be upon you. May His glorious Presence fill your entire being. May His Provision be abundant to you for whatever needs you have, and I know they are many. He is Lord and He is Good, so Good. Praise His wonderful Name. I know my Heavenly Father loves me.


In His Grace,
Marvin

Yvonne Chose Well

May 7, 2015

On April 14, 2015 at approximately 2:15 a.m., the body of my wife, Grace Yvonne Nafziger Miller, died and her soul entered the presence of the Lord Jesus, her Savior.

This is a time of a lot of questions, as you can imagine if you have been following this blog. If you have been following, you probably have questions yourself. I know that I do. Although I do not have the answers, I do have a perspective on her death and the events surrounding it that brings a degree of understanding to me. I also believe that I have gained an understanding of the nature and the ways of God that I did not have before. Even though her life did not continue in the way that we anticipated and even as I continue to firmly believe that the Lord had assured us, I do confidently declare that the Lord God is faithful to His Word; He does not lie and we were not deceived.

How can I say that after what we experienced and declared? How am I going to  explain the gap between what we believe the Lord said and what actually happened? First of all, I ask you to hear what I say. In other words, please do not automatically try to filter my words with your own experiences and beliefs about God and how He works. Second, I am not going to try to answer all your questions. I don't have the answers. What I am going to try to do is to communicate to you what I, and those who were there during that incredible last week of her life, experienced, heard and saw, both in the natural and what the Lord showed us in the spirit.

What I am going to post here is what I shared during the funeral of Yvonne in Red Lake, ON and also in the memorial service near Hickory, NC. Numerous people later thanked me for sharing this perspective, saying that it helped them understand what happened and bring closure for them in resolving her death after they had joined us in praying and interceding for her and the purposes of God.

_______

Shared on April 21, 2015 at Yvonne's funeral:

The last three weeks have been extremely difficult for me. During this time of Yvonne's sickness there have been periods of emotional turmoil but the overwhelming and primary awareness in me has been the knowledge that the Lord Jesus has been carrying me and strengthening me. I have been so aware of the prayers of Gods people. The posts on Facebook as well as emails, cards and phone calls were an incredible encouragement to me. We pressed into the heart of God like we never had before. We were so aware of His leading and direction. Our Lord Jesus is completely faithful.

Some may wonder how I can testify to His faithfulness at a time like this. After believing, praying and declaring Yvonne's healing for so long and so publicly, how can I testify to the faithfulness of our God? Didn't He just let Yvonne die? Was He really leading? It is times like this, however, that compel us to come back to the bedrock truths that we have complete faith in. There are times that we simply choose to believe what He has said about Himself and that have been proven true by 1) Scripture, 2) Holy Spirit's inner witness, 3) the earnest, prayerful testing and declaring by mature believers, 4) the application of these truths during the circumstances of life.

It is at times like this that I must not let my questions keep me from the answers I know. I cannot let what I don't know stop me from living out what I know to be true. I know that God cannot lie. I know that He does not deceive me. I know He is Great (all powerful). I know that He is Good. I know that He is Light and in Him is no darkness. I know that He is the Eternal. I know that He is Faithful and True. I know He is Love. I could go on concerning His unshakable nature and His immovable throne. If I allow any question to begin to veer me from the bedrock truths of God, my conclusion is wrong.

During the last week of Yvonne's life there were seven of us with her. During this time we were led by the Holy Spirit to pray, read scripture and sing as we sought the Lord for His heart in advancing His Kingdom and her healing. Most of us were confident that we had heard from the Lord that Yvonne would be healed and there would be fruitful ministry in the future. All of us were in complete agreement in seeking the heart of God for Yvonne and to advance His Kingdom. There were numerous prophetic words received and given in order to be considered for encouragement and direction. We knew and continue to believe, without wavering, that we were in a major spiritual battle for her and much more. I can't say much more at this time as I need to process many things and trust the Lord will show me more of what was accomplished.

So, what happened? Why was Yvonne not healed? After so many prayers, so much faith expressed, so many prophetic and insightful words, why did she go Home? I don't know if I am totally right in this but this is my perspective. Yvonne had fought this cancer for at least a year. She had endured. She had sought the Lord along with me. She totally believed in the healing power and desire of the Lord. As we continued to seek and hear from |Him, it seemed to us, and others, that her healing would come at the very end. I don't know why the Lord timed it that way. During that last week, it became obvious that our timing was not the same as the Lord's. We obeyed as we knew, trusted Him for the accomplishment and watched in growing awareness that it truly was coming down to the very end for her healing.

The last two days of her life were difficult, to say the least. We still believed but watched her speech and awareness deteriorate even while we trusted. There were many times when Yvonne couldn't communicate and was almost unresponsive. And then came the last night. Yvonne became alert and was very coherent. She had our attention and adamantly asked me for her release. She begged me insistently to release her to go see Jesus. All of us had already done so, each of us individually telling her goodbye and releasing her to go to Jesus. I had done so as well. Now she was insisting that she needed me to release her. I felt a measure of horror as I realized what was happening. We spoke to her and made sure that we understood what she wanted and that she knew what she was asking.

We asked her that even though she wanted to go home to her precious Jesus, if He wanted to heal her and she remain here on earth, was that okay with her? She said, "absolutely." I then, for the final time, told her that I release her to go to her Lord Jesus; she is free to go. Soon after that, she leaned back, rested her head on her pillow and closed her eyes. About four hours later, she was home with Jesus.

So, what happened? I believe that somewhere in those last two days, she saw or became very aware of Jesus. I believe she saw His beauty, His glory and realized His overwhelming love for her. I believe she compared what she saw of Jesus to everything here on earth; her husband, her family, potential future ministry, life in general, and then chose the Lord Jesus. I think she chose well.

I remembered the story of  Jesus visiting Mary and Martha. Martha chose to go to the kitchen and prepare food for Jesus; she chose ministry. Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and look into His eyes; she chose the Presence. I believe Yvonne did the same thing.

The apostle Paul said that to live is Christ: that's ministry. To die is gain: that's His Presence. Yvonne chose well. Jesus said that Mary had chosen well and that her choice would not be denied her. What would Lord Jesus, the One who bought her with His own blood, say about Yvonne?

The scriptural account of Moses and his relationship to the Lord God has become an example for me in my life. Scripture says that the children of Israel knew the works of God but Moses knew His ways. When the Lord God invited all the people to come close to the mountain because He wanted to speak to all of them, the people looked at the mountain. They saw the smoke billowing as from a furnace. They saw the lightning and heard the thunder. They felt the ground shake. They told Moses that he could go up for them but they weren't going to risk it. Then they turned and ran.

Not Moses. He saw the same thing that they saw and it drew him up the path to the top of the mountain. He walked in the Spirit of the fear of the Lord and it drew him closer. Yvonne and I felt the same as Moses. This great and awesome God can be trusted. He is faithful. He doesn't show us all things nor does He answer all of our questions which causes to walk by faith. Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It is the glory of kings to search out a matter." The question for us is, will we value so highly the treasure of God that is hidden for us that we will search it out at all costs?

Yvonne pressed in as we sought to advance the Kingdom of God. She found the greatest Treasure. She chose well.

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God Continues Speaking, Part 2

The past couple of days, we have been seeing several visions of wolves trying to get at Yvonne, but they’d never made it past the door to her room. Cindy felt like the wolf was death. We had a really good time of worship and prayer on Wednesday night (when Erica saw the big angel keeping the black wolf outside), but slacked off on Thursday morning, with not as much singing and praying. Still some, but not as much.

On Thursday, we were gathered around Yvonne’s bed worshipping when Sarah saw a wolf crouched at the foot of the bed. It leaped at Yvonne, but a big man standing by her feet (Jesus), turned and swung his fist at the wolf. He hit it in the muzzle and it fell to the ground and ran away.

Marvin wondered why the wolf had been able to come into the room, since it’d always been outside before. We realized that our prayers and praise had kept it out, but we had slowed down in the spiritual warfare. After we started praying again, Sarah saw that the big man had a bow and arrow and was following the wolf. It was like he had a walkie-talkie and we had one, too. He told us, “I’m hunting the wolf.” He had the wolf in his sights, but hadn’t shot yet.

Marvin really wanted this to be written down. “It’s a lesson in spiritual warfare,” he said.

When we kept praying, it felt like angels resealed the room, keeping the wolf out.

Awhile later, several people saw the wolves again. Danae saw the wolves running away with muzzles on. “Who can they hurt with muzzles?” Marvin said. Sarah saw two wolves snapping and snarling at the door, trying so hard to get in. But as we kept praising the name of Jesus, she saw the wolves in the hospital hall, both wounded. The one had fallen, dead, and the other kept trying to run away until it fell, too. Jesus came and dragged the wolves away, saying, “I’ll take care of this.

It’s obvious that Jesus is still here with us, encouraging and speaking to us. Several times a day, we sit together in Yvonne’s room and sing. It seems that the nurses enjoy it, as well. Please keep praying with us as we seek God in the next steps and continue reminding Him of His promises, and asking for His healing.

God Continues Speaking

We continue waiting on the Lord. Yvonne's sister and brother-in-law are here, along with four of her daughters. Sarah was finally able to make it home yesterday morning, after a night which the doctor didn't expect Yvonne to get through. Yvonne had a good day yesterday, and in the evening we had a time of prayer and worship.

The doctor came to prepare us for what the end look like, but then God started telling us something more hopeful. As we prayed, several of us received impressions.

• Dennis saw a picture of a valley covered in fog, and above it sat an eagle. The sun began to rise over the valley, shining brightly on the eagle's head. "A new day is dawning."
• Sarah saw twice yesterday that Jesus was sitting cross-legged on the foot of Yvonne's bed, facing her. Then she saw the cross standing in the middle of the room. The blood of Jesus dripped from the cross and ran across the floor and up the bed to Yvonne. As the blood touched Yvonne, her body turned pure white and a black mist left her body.
• Cindy got a picture of a white embryo, resting over a white bed. "New life." Erica saw a tightly closed Easter lily blooming while a huge yellow sun rose behind it.
• Erica felt that there was an angel standing outside the patio door with his arms up, like he was guarding the door. She then saw a black wolf (like Scarface from The Wilderness Family, for anyone who's watched it) outside snarling, but then he stopped and turned and walked away.
  After Erica shared this, Yvonne said that she had seen a huge angel, as big as the room. She asked if he was a healing angel, and he said yes. However, she asked God to confirm if she had seen right by having someone else see an angel, too.

As we began to pray and worship, Yvonne asked "Does anyone else feel like there's doves all over the room?" We've been continually reminded of God's promises; from doves, which represent peace and the Holy Spirit; to seeing Yvonne guarded from wolves that represent death.

God's Great Grace, Part 4

April 4, 2015 (4-4-15)

A few times Yvonne has mentioned that it bothers her that I know hardly anything about paying the bills or the passwords for any of the accounts. Tonight she brought it up again and it was obvious that it bothered her greatly. So I said, why don't we spend some time talking about this and write down what I need to know. Janelle got the laptop and created a spreadsheet for it.

One of my fears that I am trying to overcome, especially during times like this, is the fear of doing, or not doing, something that would “derail” the whole plan of God. I know that this is an invalid concern; even a religious fear. In this case, here is something that the Lord God himself, the One who spoke the entire universe into existence with a Word, said He will do. Do I think that I am able to stop Him from accomplishing His plan and purpose?

On the other hand, Jesus was unable to do any miracles in his hometown; He was only able to heal a few people. The problem was a lack of faith in Jesus by the people who knew him. I don't want to disappoint Jesus or cause him to have to find someone else that will press in to Him all the way until there is breakthrough and His plan is accomplished. It would be so incredibly disappointing for us to have come so far and be so close to the victory of His will and to then fail. Would He allow that to happen?

And so we paused in our taking care of undone details that were bothering Yvonne and talked to the Lord about it. We asked Him a question, “Does our taking care of details like this show a lack of faith in You?” Then we waited, listening. I heard a voice say, “The funeral will take place... in 30 years!” Seriously, Lord​​? I'm trying to be serious about this. (Insert 'grin' here). The consensus was that the Lord wasn't bothered at all by our planning at a time like this. I like that.

Then, I had an idea. Let's ask Him for a confirmation. Let's ask Him, “Is it okay for us to do this?” We did and we waited. What happened next is actually stunning. I wonder if I will ever really grasp the closeness of the Lord; the reality of His joy over us as His people.

Almost immediately I saw the feet and ankles of a very large, tall person or being. I saw the edge of his robe and the lower end of a staff. The thickness of the staff was about 3 inches. This person raised the staff and forcefully hit the ground 3 times, boom, boom, boom. Then I heard a voice speak. It was a large voice and spoke with authority. He said, “Let it be done.” There was joy and gladness in the voice. It was permission and more; it was a command. “LET IT BE DONE.”

My first thought was sort of, wow, why the force? Why the...drama? It was just a question! We continued to wait. Then, I saw warships on the move. I saw an aircraft carrier and a destroyer, I think. They were creating a major bow wave; they were on the move. I heard the voice say, “I am putting my people in place.”

To be continued....

Short Update on Yvonne

Hello Dear family and friends,

We wanted to give everyone an update on Yvonne. Her spirit is strong; but physically she continues to deteriorate. Her immediate family, along with Cindy and Dennis, are surrounding her. 

Marvin and the girls are still believing in Him healing her, but they have also released her to go if Jesus calls her. 

We are asking for all communicate and/or visits to be confirmed through Cindy Detweiler at cinddetw@gmail.com. The family will use a face book page to post updates regarding Yvonne in the near future. 

Please continue to keep them all in your prayers,

June and Sara for the family

God's Great Grace, Part 3

(Marvin)





On Monday, March 23, Yvonne had a scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor met with her, asked a few questions and told her that she needed to be admitted into the hospital. The doctor wanted to run some tests and see how far the cancer had spread and what needed to be done to treat the symptoms Yvonne had. She had lost some more weight, her energy level had dropped significantly, there was swelling in her left arm and ankles, as well as other symptoms.

I was not surprised to hear her decision. I had almost suggested we pack a bag of clothes to take along, just in case. We were admitted and they immediately did a CT scan and a chest X-ray. Then we waited. The next day we received a preliminary report which didn't sound too bad. It didn't look like the cancer had spread but it was affecting the lymph nodes in the left arm along with some other symptoms. Then we waited. On Wednesday, March 25 we heard the full medical report of her condition or at least what was necessary for us to hear. It wasn't good.

The radiologist had reviewed the scan and compared it to the one taken back on November 17, 2014. Then she saw a more accurate picture of her abdomen. The cancer had spread after all. It was in her liver and her spine as well as causing swelling in the lymph nodes in her arm which restricted the return circulation, causing swelling in her arm. There was also a lot of excess fluid in her abdomen.

As the doctor was talking in her soft, gentle way, there was that strange, surreal feeling of...I knew what was coming. Then she said that, from her opinion based on experience, it was time for us to call our family so that they could make plans to come and say goodbye to Yvonne. And so we did.

I am very aware that far too many of us have had to do that because of cancer. I sincerely apologize for bringing back such painful memories. May the Lord continue to bring healing to each of us.

That evening we began to make the phone calls. That was incredibly difficult. How painful it is to see your words cause so much pain and bewilderment. Such sorrow and stunned disbelief.

But there was, and still is, another difficulty. How do you communicate fact while holding onto Truth? We readily acknowledge the presence of cancer. That is a fact. We know that without divine intervention there will soon be physical death. We don't deny that fact. The tension we find ourselves in is, how do we...(I'm staring at the "page" while trying to find the right word) accept? Not deny?...The reality of facts without embracing them as being the only option? What is the difference between fact and Truth?

The Truth I refer to is, of course, JESUS CHRIST. Gravity is a fact but one day TRUTH ascended (Luke 24:51). That wall Is a fact but one day TRUTH walked right through it (John 20:26). TRUTH transcends fact. Do we deny the reality of fact? No. But when TRUTH speaks a WORD that addresses fact, what is to be our response?

Do you remember Yvonne's August 16, 2014 journal entry? That's when Jesus told her that He was giving her a new stomach that was free of pain and ulcers. She was surprised. She had no idea she needed a new stomach. It was Jesus who spoke first and promised a new stomach. That is one of my biggest encouragements. Jesus spoke first. He promised. There are definitely times when I begin to wonder if we have "missed it", or maybe it's just "wishful thinking" concerning what we've heard.

But in times like that, Yvonne and I both come back to all the WORDS that we know we heard. One of those WORDS that I know I heard was when Yvonne and I were praying a few minutes after the Dr had advised us to call the family. We, in prayer, presented the Lord with the two reports: the Drs report and the Lord's report of a new stomach. "Which report is the greatest?", I asked. I immediately heard a firm, emphatic voice say, "My word is truth, my word is law. It will happen."

One thing I must absolutely establish is that at no time do we ever accept a personal prophetic word above or in place of the written Word of God. His Scripture is inerrant and infallible. We do not chase after prophecies or "the voice". Everything must be judged according to Scripture. Our first and primary Voice from God is the written Word of God. In addition, Yvonne and I both appreciate and value highly prophetic ministry. We have no doubt that God still speaks today to His people in many ways.

What would you do with something like that? It agrees with scripture, it agrees with the nature of God, it agrees with everything that we have been hearing as from the Lord in this situation and it grants us the desires of our hearts.

When I look at my life and my experiences and compare them with the Word of God, I see a great discrepancy in many ways. I am not happy with that. In order to close the gap between what I am currently experiencing as a believer and what Scripture teaches and encourages me to rise up and live, I have a choice. Either I pray the Lord to increase my faith, humility and boldness so that I may be more like Him or I can try, even unconsciously, to "dumb down" the Word so that it fits my life experiences. If I rationalize the Word to fit my experience and abilities I can feel better about myself. There is no way that a lover of God wants that to happen.

There is so much that I'd like to say about healing and my journey with the Lord but maybe I've said enough for now. I know that many people have lost a loved one in a terribly disappointing way, even as I have. I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord in such a way as to learn His ways and know His heart. I believe that hearing His Voice is absolutely essential in that relationship.



March 29, 2015