God's Great Grace

God’s Great Grace
My Walk Through the Wilderness

I (Marvin) have been wanting to write down what Yvonne and I have been going through and experiencing during the last 10 months or so. As we look back we can see how the Lord has been so faithful, even joyful, as He speaks to us and leads us through one thing at a time, day by day.

We are very aware that we have been sporadic with our communication with those who know us and pray for us. Some of you  may not even know about the health problems that Yvonne has been experiencing for quite a while now. We sincerely apologize for our  sometimes flawed reasoning and choices in who to confide in and when. Part of our hesitation is simply because we wanted to give a full picture of what is happening and we only recently have been given that by the surgeon. Certainly some of you didn’t even know that a surgeon has been involved!

One of the difficulties in writing something like this is the painful fact that there have been so many people who have loved ones who have experienced very similar circumstances. It is our goal that the Lord Jesus be honoured by our testimony of His gracious interaction with us. This is our story and we simply want to update our family and friends of what Yvonne in particular has been going through, regardless of the outcome.

As I write this, I am very aware that some of the things that we have experienced may be very new to some of the readers of this. Some of this may be rejected by you and other things will simply raise a lot of questions about how the Lord interacts with His people. I do not say that we have heard accurately or truthfully each time we say “the Lord said”. This is our effort to communicate to you what we have been going through and how we have chosen to deal with what we find before us. We have seen that, even during the times that we have “missed it” so to speak, the Lord continues on and corrects us or our conclusions without scolding or punishing us. He loves our desire to know Him and His ways and wants to show us His true nature and heart. He loves our enthusiasm even when it may be misguided.

I also appreciate Yvonne’s willingness to share in this way. Some of this is very personal and reveals her human frailty. It also shows  her love for Jesus and a growing trust in Him and His word; truly He is one and the same. Jesus is her strength.

We have been given the doctors report; now we share that and the Lords report. They are not the same! Our goal is to testify to His AMAZING GRACE.

Yvonne
Journal entry
 Aug. 16, 2014.
“Jesus, do you have a gift for me today?” she asked the Lord.

Is. 52:12, (Voice translation) Go in confidence and grace - no rushing, no frantic escape. There’s no need to be anxious - the Eternal One goes before and behind you. The God of Israel paves the way with assurance and strength. He watches your back.

“I am here, I am now, I care about you more than you know,” Jesus answers.

“Jesus, thanks for meeting with me this morning. I love being with you.”

Jesus, with a sparkle in His eye, replies, “I love being with you also my princess.”

“Jesus, do you have a gift for me?”

“Yes, I do. Today I’m giving you a new stomach, free of pain, ulcers. I know, my child, that seems like an unusual gift but I have seen your pain and discomfort, so I bring you healing.”

“Wow Jesus, I so need that. Thank you. You know the perfect gift for me. Why are you giving this to me, Jesus? It kind of seems strange.”

“Because I love you! You have been faithful in small things. Now I will give you more.”

____

(Marvin)
At the time, Yvonne was definitely puzzled by the gift that the Lord was giving her. Now, as we look back through her journal, we saw that she was making comments about an upset stomach, feeling “yucky”, even throwing up a couple of times after eating all the way back to March. Now we understand much better what was going on and why the Lord said what He did.

Our awareness that the Lord was “up to something” (as if He isn’t always!) began back in mid - May. One day, Yvonne felt the Lord asked her to do a 40 day fast from  caffeine and sugar. He told her that if she would do this we would see people set free from addictions like never before as we minister. She realized that if she started the fast at that time then she would be fasting over our holiday trip to the states and she didn’t really want to fast at that time. She asked the Lord if she could wait until we returned from our trip and the Lord said she could.

She began her fast on July 15. On July 20, she wrote, “not sure what’s with my stomach. Last night I threw up my supper. Yuck.” It was soon after that when the pain started. By mid-August the pain was often pretty intense but it came and went. She or both of us would pray and the pain would leave or subside to just an ache. Often she would have days where her stomach would feel fine and she rejoiced. Sometimes the pain would be in another place in her abdomen. Sometimes Tylenol would help but not always. Many times she would think about when Jesus said that He was giving her a new stomach. Where was it? What did He mean?
____

Yvonne
Journal entry
July 23, 2014
“Jesus, do you love me? How much?”

“Yes, I love you, my child. To the moon and back and so much more.”

We are walking along the beach with the waves lapping at our feet.

“My love is like these waves; they never stop. Sometimes they come strong, big, huge, violent. Sometimes they are calmer but they always are there; so is my love.”

I hear a song, “Your love washes over me.”

Now I am sitting in a chair and a big wave covers me… Jesus looks at me, “My love is always covering you.” I see a sparkle in His eyes as the wave caught Him too. He is shaking His head, laughing. Once again my hand is in His and we are walking (dancing) down the beach.

He is my  Beloved and I am His!!!


Yvonne
Journal entry
August 15, 2014
“Show me my heart, Jesus.”

I see a picture of a river. A river with lots of rocks. Yet, there are beautiful falls with the water cascading, rushing, pounding over them, smoothing the rocks. Now the river is  calm, glasslike, reflecting the trees, the sky above.

Now I’m along the banks. This part has sand where you can wade out until you can swim. That is where I want to be, swimming with Papa God; allowing Him in every part of my heart.

Some places are still stagnant; yuck, I even saw a snake. “Jesus, please take all the snakes out.” I see Jesus grab it and swing it around and around overhead, then throw it….it’s dead.

There are lots of tributaries; some from where I’ve been, some where I don’t want to go. Some of them I don’t remember. Jesus will go with me. As long as I go hand in hand with Him I won’t be afraid because His love for me is perfect!

“Jesus, I want to always flow with Holy Spirit washing, cleansing me, purifying me.”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. I need your comfort today. I am having a hard time hanging on to my healing. Yesterday I continually felt worse as the day went on. Forgive me Jesus. I do believe You are my healer, yet I struggle with it because I don’t feel well.

Every organ and tissue of my body functions in the perfection that God created it to function. I forbid any malfunction in my body, in Jesus’ name. By your stripes, Jesus, I’m healed! (1 Peter 2:24) Thank you, Jesus! The words of Jesus are SPIRIT AND LIFE! (John 6:63)

Psalm 103:2,3,5: O my soul, come, praise the Eternal; sing a song from a grateful heart; sing and never forget all the good He has done. Despite all your many offences, He forgives and releases you. More than any doctor, He heals your diseases. 5: When your soul is famished and withering, He fills you with good and beautiful things, satisfying you as long as you live. He makes you strong like an eagle, restoring your youth.

Jesus, I plead, I ask, I need Your healing touch. I don’t think I can go on like this. Please touch me, I beg You, I come to You. You, Jesus, died so I can be forgiven and healed. Please have mercy on me, my Saviour, my God! If you were here in person I know I could touch You and be healed! You healed all who came to You. I need Your touch Jesus. Why does it feel like you are silent? What am I missing? What do You need from me? Jesus?

I come to You. I praise You. You created our bodies to heal themselves…. All I need is You! I praise Your holy name. You heal all my diseases.
____

(Marvin)
Why didn’t we go to the doctor? This isn’t a question or cry of desperation or guilt. In any situation we usually can see that the Lord is working and moving in numerous ways and in more than one person and addressing more than one issue. (He is the ultimate multi-tasker). We are seeing the Lord move in us and change us in different ways. He is highlighting misconceptions in us about healing. He is revealing in me (Marvin) attitudes of pride against doctors and the medical profession in general. He is penetrating deeper into us and lovingly revealing different issues that must be corrected before we can be drawn deeper into Him. We want that more accurate relationship with Him so that we can more accurately re-present Him to others. It is clear to us that He is much more concerned with our personal holiness than He is with our work that we do in His name.

____



Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., August 27, 2014
“What in me causes You grief? What causes You sorrow, Lord? Please show me.”

We are sitting on rocks in the river. Jesus is splashing, playing, delighted that I’m there. He grabs my hand again; we sit down. “Jesus”, I say, “I have such a hard time finding You, seeing Your face…”

“What about me causes You sorrow or grief?”

“It grieves me that you see your lack of healing as something you’ve done wrong; that you think you’re not being healed because of your lack of doing things or eating right.”

“Yes Lord, that is how I feel, I feel like I need to press into You more.”
“My child, just accept my healing. I do feel your pain, you are almost there. Don’t give up now!”

“Okay, Jesus, but I really need Your help. I cannot hang in there alone!”

“Remember what you just read this morning. I will not abandon you!!!! Believe it, my daughter!”

“Yes, I believe Your word is truth. Would you touch my stomach Jesus, and bring healing?”

“Yes, my child.”

Jesus is holding me in His arms.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, Sept. 5, 2014
It’s been an up and down week for me. I felt so much better Sunday and yesterday I felt pretty good too. I’m still declaring the Lord’s healing; sometimes it is a lot easier than others. Today I’ve not felt good most of the day. I laid down for a while; doesn’t seem to help. I ate an ice cream cone (part of one) yesterday; don’t know if that’s why I feel worse today. Jesus, I am still trusting You for complete healing, 100 0/0! By Your stripes I am healed!

Louise (Chisel) made a doctors appointment for me on the 22nd.

“Does that disqualify me for healing by You, Jesus?”

“No, I use doctors and I also bring healing through different spiritual roots that need to be dealt with. In other words, what is spiritual I will deal with or show you what needs to be taken care of. What is really physical you may see a doctor for. Their wisdom comes from me. I am so happy that you run to me first. I don’t love you any less, my daughter, because you have a doctors appointment.”

“Keep hanging in there, holding on to me.  I am with you in this all the way. I know it doesn’t feel like it but I am. You can do it!! The victory is mine! Looking back you will say, “So that’s why it took so long….!”

I’m holding on to You, Jesus
I won’t ever let go!
You are the light for my path
You have my heart!
In You all things are made new
Praise You, precious Jesus
My Lord, My King, My Healer
____

(Marvin)
I am seeing those deep, either ignored or unaware of, issues of pride or…something that must be dealt with. I am not unaware of the tremendous good that the medical profession does everyday. I have loved ones that work there. I have loved ones who have benefited greatly from medical care including my mother, my father, my wife during childbirth, my daughters during childbirth, my grandchildren in the ICU, and on I could go. I stood by the hospital bed of a good friend as he was dying and was very aware of the care he desperately needed and was given that was so far beyond what anyone else could have given.

I have seen the compassion of Jesus demonstrated by the people in the medical profession, even by those who don’t believe in Jesus. Why is the Lord dealing with me in this personal situation that my wife is in? Why are these attitudes in me? Is it because I personally have never really been in need of medical help? If it was me in that situation….?

I have also seen and marvelled at the mercy and grace of God freely given to people as I personally laid hands on them and prayed healing for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. I so want that to increase through me and all members in the body of Christ. If the compassion of Christ is in a person who believes in Jesus then lets release it in prayer for the needy!

But what is the Lord’s way? How will He handle this specific situation? Are His ways different from mine? Of course; and I’m glad! But in what ways?  And He is changing me. May I receive these changes humbly, for His glory, that I may represent Him well as I walk in Love.

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, Sept. 25, 2014
I have been having some trouble swallowing the past week or so…. Tuesday night at supper it was so bad… Marvin right away prayed and commanded a spirit of fear to leave. Tuesday morning we spent time praying, getting rid of a spirit of fear from me. Marvin said that when I came out of the doctors office, he saw such a spirit of fear all over me; he knew Holy Spirit showed it to him. He kept asking me what’s wrong and I said “nothing.” Anyway, we prayed about it. Then with this episode I had Tuesday evening at supper…I don’t know how to describe it. I can feel food going all the way down my esophagus, almost like air is trying to go up at the same time, very painful and not like a sore throat at all. There are all kind of noises (like my stomach is growling but in my esophagus) and almost like I’m choking. Tuesday evening I threw up a bit, then I was ok. Marvin began praying right away also.

Yesterday morning, same thing. Yesterday supper, same thing. I just stopped eating for awhile as I prayed peace and later finished my salad. As we prayed about that I heard “constriction”. Oh, on Monday I felt as though the spirit of fear had been given a foothold  (in me) when the cord was around my neck while I was being born. Marvin heard, as from the Lord) that we should break off the spirit of fear going back 3 generations and so we did.

Ps. 34:4 (Voice) - Take great joy in the Eternal! His gifts are coming, and they are all your heart desires.
____

(Marvin)
As we go through this day by day, there are many times that the Lord will show us or speak to us concerning something in us that needs to be removed or changed. Sometimes He speaks through Scripture. Sometimes through a vision while praying or a dream at night. Sometimes we listen to a message from the Word by a person and we know; there is something here we need to ask the Lord about. He is so faithful; He sees every part of our lives and brings divine order.

____

Yvonne
Journal entry
Oct. 2, 2014
On Thursday and Friday Marvin prayed with me and spoke to my spirit, encouraging me. We feel this is a spirit of fear attacking me. It keeps moving around from my stomach, hemorrhoids and now my swallowing. In Jesus we are victorious! I am covered by the blood of the Lamb! Jesus, You died so that I am healed!

Thursday when he prayed I saw like a “snake” in my throat and I, in a prophetic action reached up and pulled it out.

Yesterday we prayed again. This time I saw lots of files (like in a filing cabinet). They were “all in order”, it seems Jesus is saying.
____

(Marvin)
All through this time we have been ministering to the people who have been coming to the Centre. This has been difficult for Yvonne as well. She does the cooking as well as being in the teaching/counselling sessions as she takes notes and provides a prayer covering as Maurice and I talk to the people. The couple that arrived on Oct. 28. They were the last of the scheduled guests. The same weekend Yvonne had cooked for and helped host a ladies retreat here at the Centre. It was a rough time for her concerning her difficulty finding what she could eat, coughing and spitting up phlegm, and sometimes vomiting.
____


Yvonne
Journal entry
October 28, 2014
On Sunday we stayed home from church (in Sioux Lookout, 1 hour away). I washed all the sheets, which is a good thing I did because we found out that “C and B” were coming for ministry. How did that happen? My first response was anger. We had wanted to go to a conference in Winnipeg if we had an opening in our schedule and the scheduled guests had cancelled. But now C and B are here so now what? We do want to see Holy Spirit break through in their lives.

Holy Spirit, hover over this place. Keep our hearts pure. We need You to break through. We don’t have a clue what needs to be done. What we’ve done in the past doesn’t seem to work for C and B. Their hearts are so wounded, so hurt, but thanks be to God He can soften, create a hunger…..Show us the way! Jesus! Hover over this place, we need You. Oh, how very much we need You!

Yesterday, we finally prayed about the dream Marvin had about seeing a little girl in a room (which he believes was me) and then seeing the word NECROMANCY (in the dream). (Necromancy means communicating with the dead through divination.) So I renounced and repented for me and my ancestors back 3 generations, breaking that off my family line. (We felt this is a familiar spirit). We also applied the blood of Jesus back 3 generations and forward so that our kids, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and so on would not be under this spirit. It had to go in Jesus’ name! Thank you Jesus for Your blood that covers our sins. Thank you for LIFE.

I speak Life to my spirit and health and blessing. Thank you, Jesus. I love You so much! You are good all the time!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2014
C and B both came to the Lord! Praise the Lord! Holy Spirit, protect them from the enemy as they go back (home). They both experienced a major breakthrough in their lives and were able to begin walking with the Lord!

We took C and B to Five Mile Corner for them to catch their ride  and then went on to Dryden. What an emotionally exhausting 10 days! Thank you, Holy Spirit for Your comfort and leading.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Nov. 14, 2014
I saw the Dr. this morning and am scheduled for a gastroscopy and a colonoscopy Monday morning.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., November 15, 2014
Had a rough day today; ended up throwing up breakfast and supper. I did keep lunch (a salad) down. Mostly I throw up big hunks of phlegm… In the evening I had a hard time even keeping water down. I choked up beans from Friday evening that were apparently stuck in my throat for 24 hours.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, Tuesday, November 17,18, 2014
I have lots of questions, but definitely have a peace. Jesus, you are in control. I surrender to Your design. I’ve been playing (the song by) Need To Breathe, “Multiplied”, over and over.

After drinking 4 litres of “yuck”…. on Sunday night. So thankful I was at home to do this and not in some hotel room or someones house:). Monday we went in for the colonoscopy and gastroscopy. The procedures took longer than planned. Dr. couldn’t get the scope down all the way to my stomach; my esophagus was swollen and narrowed. She said my esophagus should be around 3 cm in diameter but the scope, which is 1 cm or so, couldn’t get through to take a look at my stomach.

As I was “going under” I kept saying the verse “The Lord is my light and my salvation, who (or what!) shall I fear!”

After the gastroscopy they did the colonoscopy which didn’t go so well either. A section of my colon was “thick” (the wall). Then, at the end of my colon the scope grazed and lacerated my colon where there was a large polyp. She did remove some of that and left a smaller polyp there. She said that all 3 of those things could be cancerous. I had so much gas pain while coming out of surgery. Almost unbearable!

I went  back on Tuesday for a barium swallow; that was awful. The stuff felt like I was drinking cement, laid in my stomach also…. I could see my esophagus on the X-ray tv and I could definitely see a narrowing of my esophagus. I also went for a CT scan; definitely the easiest…  although after I drank the 2 glasses of water with the dye in it and had diarrhea, I was glad for the hour I had before I had to go in for the actual scan.

So my emotions have been all over the place! I have felt the Lords peace throughout the whole ordeal. I am/was so disappointed. I thought they would just find a polyp and be done with it. Not sure why all this but Jesus I’m so thankful that I have You to walk through this with me. Marvin also is a huge blessing. We did pray before the procedure, making sure my spirit was covered while I was “under”.




Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, November 21,2014
 I’ve had diarrhea ever since the barium swallow along with lots of gas.

Oh Lord, I will praise You. Forever and ever You are God.

The Lord is taking us through a process. He shows us the problems, keeps us informed so we can either pray and act or simply stand and watch as we wait. That’s what we keep hearing, “stand and wait.” Soon we’ll hear, now do “this.”

We have, or I should say, Marvin has been anointing me with peppermint and lemon oil each evening and praying for healing… I still have diarrhea but am swallowing much better. Jesus is my healer! Jesus, I don’t understand why this has been such a long process. If there are still things in me that I need to deal with, show me.

We continue to learn more about our bodies and how essential oils work. We feel that, for me all my emotions from the past, mostly from a very traumatic childhood, seemed to be stored in my digestive system. I’ve always struggled with motion sickness and stomach related issues (even from early childhood).

As we were praying this morning, the Lord/Holy Spirit showed me these thoughts…”I don’t measure up”, “I’m a disappointment”, and “I have to please everyone.” As I prayed about these Jesus showed me a picture of Him (He had a long, white robe on) just dancing around with unrestrained joy! I felt His presence in a powerful way! I knew, know, He will never let me go. Even though Mom and Dad forsook me (didn’t value me in many ways) Jesus will never forsake me. I can dance with Jesus whenever I want!

____


(Marvin)
Yvonne mentioned how her emotions have been stored in her digestive system. This is something that we have been interested in for some years now; how our emotions affect us and the necessity of not carrying negative emotions with us. This is something that we have heard people disagree with, even vehemently. Many people do not see the connection between our emotions, (our mental and emotional health) and our physical health.

For just a bit of background or foundation for this, Scripture says in Hebrews 12: 14,15 for us to “pursue peace” and that a “ root of bitterness” will cause trouble and “defile many”. The medical community says that 80 percent of the people in the hospital are there because of anger or anger related issues. Our emotional health is so critical to our physical health and quality of life.

One article I read says that Harvard researchers link chronic stress to many diseases such as inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, food allergies, peptic ulcers and the list of gastrointestinal diseases and other diseases goes on.

The stress and fear she endured was terrible and the effect on her digestive system was traumatic. As a child she endured upset stomachs and diarrhea (especially while traveling in a car). This continued all through her childhood and for several years even into our marriage. She usually couldn’t travel while in the back seat without getting sick in her stomach. Through her memories, she has linked this to her early childhood.

Please believe me when I assure you that I in no way am trying to point the finger or blame anyone. As unique individuals, we each respond to stressors differently and to varying degrees. What she is experiencing at this time will be redeemed by our God and as we have heard from Him, we believe and have no doubt that He is bringing her to compete healing.

What we desire to testify to is the amazing Grace of our God. He is Jehovah Rapha, our healer. Whatever we face in our life, He is more than able to redeem it while not allowing us to be snatched from His hand.

One of the amazing and encouraging experiences that we have lived over the years that we have been seeking His healing is just that, the healing of our souls; our mind, will and emotions. We can testify to His saving Grace in our relationships as well. There has been a glorious reconciliation of relationships as well as forgiveness and peace. The problem has been the unresolved negative emotions that were buried and forgotten. Unfortunately, they still had effect that is now being seen.

What we have concluded about all this is just that, our conclusions that we feel that the Lord has shown us. I’m honestly not sure what the medical community would say but the bit of reading I have done does not acknowledge the spiritual aspect of humanity but it does, of course, acknowledge the mind, will, emotions and body.

Again, please let me repeat: we harbour no ill feelings to anyone. We have forgiven what we know and the Lord is showing us that there are some unresolved issues that He Himself is dealing with. As He told Yvonne one day, “I’m going deep; I’m going to get it all!”  !!!!!!

 PLEASE KEEP READING!

One of the symptoms that Yvonne feels is weight loss. She is down to 130 lbs now and has lost around 35 lbs but I’m not going to say what she weighed when she started losing!

The main treatments that we have been doing at home have been prayer, of course, but also using essential oils along with prayer. Essential oils have healing properties as the Lord gave them during creation. There have been many testimonies of healing given as a result of prayer and anointing/massaging with these oils. (Google them if you’d like).

We also have been doing hydro-therapy at the suggestion of a naturopathic doctor. This involves the use of alternating hot and cold compresses on the problem area. She also has been taking natural vitamins and supplements to help with her nutrition which has been very deficient because of her inability to eat.
____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, Nov. 30, 2014
As Marvin was praying, anointing me with peppermint and lemon oil, I heard Jesus say “I receive you.” I was thinking about the fact that tomorrow we will hear what the Dr. says (about the tests and biopsies) but what does Jesus have to say? I don’t hear it’s this or that but I continually hear, “Be still, I am with You, I have good plans. I am right here walking with you.”

Thanks, Lord. I can’t do it alone nor do I want to. Thanks for giving me Marvin, flesh and blood, to walk with me.” (Psalms 20).

Thank you Jesus for loving me, for going before me. Whatever the results are today, I will praise you Jesus.. You know beforehand how this is going to play out. I trust You completely. You are a good God! I can climb in Your lap anytime; You will hold me. Thanks. May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven! There is no sickness, disease in heaven!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., December 3, 2014
We met with Dr. on Monday. All the biopsies came back benign! Praise Jesus! The barium swallow showed that I am swallowing normally although my esophagus is spasming/constricting. I am not aspirating anything into my lungs. The CT scan showed I do have an ulcer. I also have fluid (excess) in my abdominal cavity and they don’t know what is causing that. She spoke to the other surgeon there and they recommended that they do an ultrasound to determine the best way to withdraw some of the fluid which they did and sent it off to be tested. Dr. also said my stomach wall is thickened, as is my esophagus and a third of my colon. She still is not ruling out cancer.

Jesus, I give this all to You. I am swallowing so much better. I still have lots of gas, quite painful at times. If I get up and walk around, I feel better. Last night I didn’t sleep well at all; ended up getting up at 2 a.m. and lying on the couch. I had a low grade fever and slight headache. My whole ‘trunk’ area feels so tender.

Marvin continues to massage me with peppermint and lemon oil and pray each night. Last 2 nights I heard Jesus say “I receive You.”:) Jesus, I’m here again asking for Your healing touch… Last night was rough, hard to stay focused on You! I did pee a lot last night; I must have gotten up 4 or 5 times which is unusual but it felt better. I was chilled last night yet my body was hot. Marvin put some Thieves oil on my feet. Also, while out in the living room I put lavender oil in the infuser. I did sleep 2 hours without waking up.

I need You Jesus, thank You that I can trust You! Lord, I really need to bake today (for the FNRC bake sale). I need strength and energy. You will keep me in perfect peace because my mind is stayed on You.

____

(Marvin)
This is in the middle of some Yvonne’s roughest days. She many times would be bent over in pain from gas, crying out to the Lord for relief. She said that, yes it’s been 21 years since she gave birth and maybe she has forgotten it somewhat, but she thinks the pain from the gas and whatever was happening would rival the pain of childbirth.

I know that what she experienced is not as excruciating as what many people have experienced in other situations. I am aware that the length of time that she has been in this is not nearly so long as what many others have endured. Even so, it is very difficult to stand and watch and not be able to do much at all for her. I have never seen her in so much pain. I think too that this was worse than what I observed her enduring through childbirth.

All through this Yvonne has had a wonderful attitude and outlook. She did have some moments of a need to be reassured that the Lord has heard our prayers, He does know her pain, He still joys over her even when she has tears of uncertainty. However, in the middle of all that she has not lost her smile. She still laughs, she still prays for her children, her grandchildren, her husband. She is not focused on herself and continually declares her love and faith in her Healer, Lord Jesus. She has never given up on the scriptures that declare her salvation from sickness.

Many times she would be in pain or in quiet times of anointing with oil and hydro-therapy and I would hear her quietly praying in the spirit, quoting scriptures or simply praying to her Lord. Many times this would bring me to tears and renewed thankfulness to be her husband. My love and admiration for her has definitely intensified.

We planned to go to Oregon for Christmas and were hoping to hear the results of the tests before we went. The Dr. was unsure of whether Yvonne should go or not. The test results were sent on to Toronto from the lab in Kenora because Kenora was unable to reach a diagnosis. So we ended up going to Oregon without any diagnosis.
____

Then, on Sat., December 6,

Yvonne
Journal entry
Each evening Marvin continues to anoint me with oil and pray over me. One evening this week as he was doing this, I sensed, felt, Jesus massaging my back. Although, If it’s You, Jesus, why aren’t I completely healed? Marvin reminded me that sometimes it just takes time. I’m like, it’t been 4 months, isn’t that long enough? I know, Jesus, that You are always good! I’m counting on that. I also thank You that You have never left me alone:). You have taken every tear and gathered them in a bottle; when that bottle is full You will tip it over, and my healing will come! Continue to anoint me with your oils of joy. Give me a spirit of PRAISE for this heaviness. I will praise You. Forever I will praise You!!!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Dec. 8, 2014
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me today. I love You, thank You for teaching, comforting, even interceding on my behalf.

I went up for prayer at church yesterday. Pastor Phil anointed me and prayed. He prayed that my complete digestive tract would come into alignment. I believe he prayed against fear and that it would be turned to faith. Also, that I am not off to the side, in the backseat. The Lord is bringing me into my rightful place in ministry, into who I am in ministry. Something is out of kilter and the Lord is restoring me. He kept hearing “honour”, restoring honour.

I get the sense that I’ve been going downhill and that after yesterday I’m at the bottom and things are taking a turn and I’m gonna start going up the hill:).

Lord Jesus, I keep praying circles around Your promise of a new stomach. You said it and I believe it! Thank you, Jesus!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Dec. 31, 2014
Good morning Holy Spirit. Come, come fill me today. Today I choose to open my spirit to You!

Yesterday, Marvin anointed me with hyssop and cedar wood oil on my right ear, right thumb and my right toe. As he did, not sure what all he was praying for, I saw a beautiful picture of a path, going on like forever:) with soft lights lighting it…I can still see it, it was beautiful; I wish I could paint it:)




Yvonne
Journal entry
Jan. 1, 2015
Happy New Year, what will this year bring? Healing and health is what I need right now. I was up at 12:30 or so with incredible back pain on the left side. I slept on the couch a couple of hours. Went back to bed, woke up again at 3:33 (Jer.) I call out to You, Jesus. Oh how I need Your healing touch; the pain is almost unbearable at times. Please, Lord Jesus, come touch my body. You said that when I call You will answer and You will show me GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS which I do not know…come Holy Spirit, come. I give you this day, this year. Take all of me, Jesus.

I come to You. I take Your hand; I dance with You! I Dance with You, Jesus. What an honour! What a privilege! I love You! Forever I will follow You! I give my all to You. Forgive my unbelief, help me to believe! Help me to pursue You, Jesus, with PASSION!Jesus, I get so caught up in the way I feel, in the pain and discomfort that I forget to praise You. Forgive me. May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done here on earth (today) as it is in heaven.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Jan.2, 2015
I will praise You! My Jesus! Help me to stay focused…The pain in my back has been overwhelming. In spite of that Jesus…I need help staying focused on You and not on the pain.

We didn’t sleep in the bed last night. Marvin wanted to stay with me and so he slept most of the night in the recliner. I couldn’t lie down in bed without intense pain in my left lower back…thinking it is my kidneys. I went from the couch to the recliner and sometimes just walking around till the pain subsides. Jesus, I speak that You are my healer. You said You would give me a new stomach, free of ulcers and pain. I thank You for that. I’m asking, I’m believing that!

We were praying this morning, asking about the pain. Marvin heard that there is a “spirit of bulimia.” We both felt like it began with me so I confessed and renounced it. Marvin had also seen a large dark figure. We also heard, “it’s gone, the spirit of bulimia.”

I weighed myself again: 118 lbs. I lost 2.9 lbs. since Sunday.

____

(Marvin)
After the last biopsy results came back, Dr. said she needed to take some more because she was certain she could give the lab bigger and better quality samples. Yvonne was scheduled to redo the gastroscopy and also do a laparoscopy in order to look at the outside of the stomach and view the abdominal cavity to possibly see the source of the fluid in the cavity. So, we went in to have them done.

One of the ways of God is His “suddenlys”. Things are happening, or not, and then, all of a sudden, He does something, something happens. !!!

____




Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, January 5, 2015
So I had the 2 procedures this morning. Dr. got down to my stomach this time(PRAISE JESUS!) She also did a laparoscopy. Both the inside and outside of my stomach has like a white growth on it. Both inside and out is bumpy when it should be smooth. The inside also had dried blood. (Seems like the herbs are helping?)

Dr. said her gut feeling is that it is stage 4 cancer. She said she took lots of biopsies and sent them as critical analysis so we really don’t know anything until we meet with Dr. again on the 21st. Hopefully sooner:).

(We were at home, sitting in the double recliner, praying…)

We were praying, asking Jesus what happened with the pain in my back…it’s almost gone…!

I didn’t really get an answer. I just began to see like a carousel going round and round. At first everything on the carousel was blurry; then I began to see the night sky with stars. It was clear and then as it turned it went to cloudy skies and then back to stars…. As I looked, I began to cry. I asked, under Marvin’s direction, “how old is the little girl who is crying?” I said, “6 or 7.” Then I asked, “Why is the little girl crying?” “Because she never got on the carousel, never got a party or had fun.” But not literally because I did have fun at times. I was crying.

I asked Jesus what would He give me in exchange for all my pain. Jesus said, “I’ll give you joy and   ? . Then I asked Jesus another question which I don’t remember but as an answer I did see a picture of Jesus dancing with joy with me.

I definitely sensed Holy Spirit all over me as we were praying. Then, I saw blue, a beautiful dark blue. (In front of me.) Then, a light came up behind it (was shining through it.) I can’t really describe it in words. I saw an angel; well, I should say I sensed His presence, I knew He was there. I was crying as I said, “It’s an angel!” Marvin asked, “Holy angel, are you a healing angel?” I answered, “Yes, he is!” Marvin asked, “What is he doing?” I said, “He’s hugging me!”

Then I asked Jesus, as I cried, “Jesus, why is it taking so long?” He said, “Because I’m going deep, I’m going to get it all.”

Praise You, Jesus! I love You, Lord. You are a good God, You will work everything out for good! You are my strength, Jesus. You are my ALL IN ALL. Without You I can do nothing. I love You!! Lord Jesus!

I forgot to say that before I went into surgery, I asked Jesus where He was right now. He said, “I’m right here.” I could sense He was right there sitting on the end of the bed. He said to me, “I will be right here, I won’t leave you. I will guide the Dr.’s hands even though she doesn’t know it.”

After I came out of surgery, Marvin asked me “where is Jesus?” I said, “He’s right here.” (I was a little under the influence.) He asked me that a couple of times and I always replied the same way, “He’s here.”

While I was in the OR Marvin asked the Lord a couple of times, “what are we supposed to do?” Jesus said, “Keep following me.”

We Skyped Sarah and she asked the YWAM DTS team to pray for me and the next day one of the guys came up to her and said, “Hey Sarah, about your mom, remember, God is good all the time.” Sarah said, “that’s what mom always says!”

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., January 14, 2015
We went in to meet with Dr. this afternoon….I don’t know anything more really; the abdominal wall biopsy shows kind of the same thing: “atypical cells of unknown origin.” They are sending them to Toronto for further testing. Inside my stomach one biopsy came back that they think could be cancer but they didn’t say it was (Dr. is sure it is). I’m not accepting that…I do know, no matter what it is, God can and will heal!!!

So Dr. wants to do another gastroscopy tomorrow. We spent a bit of time tonight worshipping and praying; declaring healing to my stomach and the whole digestive system. I felt my faith rise. It would be great if she goes in with the scope and I’m healed. Oh Jesus, I know You can! Help me to believe and not doubt. You said if 2 or more agree, we can ask anything in Your name and You will do it. So we did just that in Your name, Jesus, the Name above all names. We ask for a new stomach, healing for my whole digestive system. Thank you. After we prayed, I felt my faith rise. Marvin heard, “go in tomorrow and you will see.”



Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., January 15, 2014
Praise You, Jesus, for another day! We are waiting to call the hospital to see when we should go in…I feel no pain this morning, thank you Jesus… I take Your hand, holding tight. Thanks for going with me!

I thought of Is. 55:9 and turned in my Bible right to it. “My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you, just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth.” We left here at 11:00. that was nice, not having to wait in there. We were praying and Marvin asked Jesus, “What gift would You likes to give us?” We both heard, “a new stomach.” I also heard, “peace.” Yeah God!

I felt a total peace going into town, also a lightness. Even while going into surgery…. By far the worst part is the pain from the gas afterwards. I was disappointed that Dr. found the same spot (as last time to get a better biopsy). The stomach looked the same, she took 10 samples.

When we got home Marvin and I talked a bit about our disappointment and yet we both feel something happened today even if it wasn’t complete healing. Healing is coming! It has begun!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., January 17, 2015
I try to pray and praise when I’m awake in the middle of the night, which seems to be 2-4 time. Last night as I was praying for healing. I had the thought that I/we should be praying that the middle lining of my stomach be healed. That is where Dr. thinks the problem is. So I did that. I continue to praise You, Jesus, for walking with me on this path.

After breakfast I had almost unbearable pain in my stomach. Marvin prayed, I tried laying down, getting up and walking around; finally after about an hour I took 2 of the pills Dr. prescribed to relieve gas. Within 30 min or less I was feeling better. I was feeling better after Marvin prayed too. In the middle of that I went to use the bathroom and was crying out to Jesus in pain. I think I heard Him say, “It won’t be long!” So, thank you, Jesus.!

I’m reading a book about the name of Jesus and what power and authority we have “in His Name!”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Prov. 18:10 - The Eternal is known to be like a sturdy watchtower; those who do right flee to Him for protection.

Today Jesus, I look forward to continue healing. I wonder, am I being too complacent about this? How do I push or come into full healing? What is my place in this, Lord? I know Jesus that You are my healer. What is keeping me from full complete healing?

“Rest in me, my child. Rest in my healing; it’s coming. Remember, I am making all things new.”
____





(Marvin)
For some time Yvonne has been thinking and talking about the bowl in Heaven in which the Lord collects the prayers of the saints. She has been feeling that the bowl is filling up and soon…soon it will happen! The Lord will pour them out and healing will begin!

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., January 21, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit, come fill me to overflowing today. I love Your gentle voice in the early morning hours; Your meeting with my spirit and connecting with how good God is. It’s a time of peace and me able to feel faith and comfort, speaking out who You say I am. I think I get it; it’s You speaking to my spirit. No wonder I’m relaxed and able to speak in faith “I am healed in Jesus’ name.” Spirit to spirit, You make all things new!

Last night before sleep, we were praying and I asked Jesus if all the buried emotions were dealt with. He said, “yes.” Then I asked for a picture of that. I heard “Thank God I am free, free, free from this world of sin!” I also saw a picture of me riding on a horse with both hands up in the air, “wild and free”, like. I was about 11 or 12. Thank you, Jesus!

Then I asked Jesus if the bowl (of prayers, tears) is full? Is it about ready to be poured out? We both heard,” It’s tipping!” I saw a bowl with the water just at the point of running over the side. Yeah God! Of course, I began crying. Praise you, Jesus! You are so good! I can do this! With you with me. Help me to continue to bring You praise!



Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, January 23, 2015
1 John 4:17 - Our love is made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because AS HE IS, SO ARE WE IN THIS WORLD.

I forgot to write down: yesterday as Marvin was praying for me, he heard “the bowl is being poured out.” Yeah God! By Your wounds, Jesus, I was healed (1 Peter 2:24). Again through Cindy, the Lord reminded me of Is. 26:34 - “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the ROCK ETERNAL.”

You, Jesus, are my peace! Help me focus on that! I am a new creation! I am not what I used to be. I am completely made new. I put off the old. I now rule and reign with Jesus!



Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., January 24, 2015
(Sara S., Rita N. and Dennis D. all sent us very encouraging emails!)
Ps. 130:5 - I wait for the Eternal - my soul awaits rescue and I put my hope in His transforming word.

When we were praying, asking Jesus about our bowl of prayers, I saw a picture of a bowl full and running over (raining down). I, along with others (I think) were standing in the rain with our arms upraised, singing and soaking in the overflow. I thought of the song “singing in the rain” and “my cup is full and running over.”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Again praying and Marvin saw a faint picture of Jesus smiling and like, beckoning to him to “come see what I want to show you”…. and the bowl was tipping!

Come and eat fresh bread, drink from the river of life, come to the river where the trees have healing in their leaves. Healing for me, healing for the nations. I come Lord, I will drink. I will eat Your bread, Jesus.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, January 26, 2015
Jer. 33:6 - Behold, I will bring (Jerusalem) health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth”.

Jesus, You bring health to me. Another verse comes to mind.
“Heal me and I will be healed, for You are my praise.”

Today I see Dr. again, praying for some answers. The interesting thing is, You, Jesus already know everything… so really, the only thing that changes is what we know in our mind. What doesn’t change is what we know in our spirits….YOU ARE FAITHFUL. You are good all the time. You are walking with us every step of the way! Thank you for peace, Jesus. Help me to stay there, let nothing steal it from me. As long as I keep my mind focused on You, I will have perfect peace.

We met with Dr. and it was what she thought all along, cancer is what it is: adenocarcinoma, gastric cancer (inoperable, incurable). Naturally, my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Jesus, the test results are the facts but I’m clinging to the truth: what You say, Jesus. YOU ARE MY HEALER! You are giving me a new stomach.

Your ways are perfect. You will redeem all this… I am healed in Jesus’ name!

Love is that while I was a sinner, Jesus Christ died for me!

I run into Your arms, Jesus
You love me!
You gave Your life for me
I run to You. You are my Rock, my firm foundation!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, Jan. 29, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. Today I choose to focus my thoughts on whatever is good, noble, right; on Your promises, Jesus. You have good plans for me. I will not die but live!

This morning, I asked Jesus if He would show me one thing that He is doing for me today. I saw a full coloured photo: someone sitting at a desk (I think female). In front of them, on the wall was a full coloured tv screen. It seems as though they were looking at all my information about my… test results?

When I shared this with Marvin, he thought, “she is seeing the full spectrum.” Light contains the full spectrum of colour. Jesus is light.

Jesus, is there something else You could show me to give me more understanding? FAITH, HOPE AND PEACE are the words I thought of. That is what Jesus is pouring into me, giving me. “Keep your eyes, your heart focused on Me, my child!”

Note: a lady called from the cancer clinic in Thunder Bay, booking me with tele health on Monday.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, January 30, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. I welcome You, I need You. Come fill me to overflowing today!

I’m so excited that Stephanie is coming tonight! Lord, I ask that You give her smooth flights, that they wouldn’t be delayed, all the way through.

JOY! Today, I choose to walk in joy! Marvin has been reading through my journal and he mentioned that I wrote quite a bit about me and Jesus dancing…I needed to be reminded of that. Zeph. 3:17 - Jesus dances over me with extreme joy! (word study in the concordance) Not only that but I get to dance with Him!

Yesterday as I was doing the hydrotherapy, I pictured (Eph. 3:20 - Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or imagine) me breathing in Holy Spirit, His breath, His light and that light and breath going down to the cancer cells and bringing oxygen and light (which apparently they don’t like) and bring the cancer cells to death. I stand on Your word, Jesus. 1 Peter 2:24 - “By Your wounds I have been healed.”
____

(Marvin)
During our reading and conversations with different doctors we have learned several things about cancer that we find very interesting, to say the least. There are different ways to kill a cancer cell. Some cancers are killed by chemotherapy or radiation but some aren’t. Interestingly, cancer also is killed by light and also, oxygen. Cancer can also be starved by a no sugar diet; the diet should be high in protein such as meat.

When we heard this we immediately had thoughts such as, “hmmm!” These things about cancer are in the natural but we know that the Spiritual is greater, far more superior than the natural. In the spiritual, Holy Spirit is the “pneuma”, the “breath of God”. He is the refreshing “cool of the day” in the Garden of Eden. Jesus is the “light of the world”, the “light of life”. Jesus also said that His flesh is “real food” and His blood is “real drink”. Scripture also says that spiritual food is “meat” and “milk”. Jesus also said that “man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God”. The words of Jesus are “spirit and life”. Jesus himself is the Word of God and in Him all of the promises of God are “yes and amen”. It was the Word himself who was “wounded for our transgressions and by His stripes we were healed.”

And so, Yvonne has been thinking, praying, “seeing” the breath of God flowing through her body, “seeing” the light of Jesus shining into the dark recesses of her body as she receives and declares the “meat” of the Word himself against the ungodly cancer that would steal, kill and destroy her life.

If you would like to join us in some way; in some way stand with us and for us, we would encourage you to pray in this same way. Please pray that the Light and Breath of God would wither up and “blow away” the disease and that any compromised cells would receive the nutrition of His flesh for healing and restoration of her energy.

AND HE HIMSELF BORE OUR SINS IN HIS BODY ON THE CROSS, SO THAT WE MIGHT DIE TO SIN AND LIVE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS; FOR BY HIS WOUNDS YOU WERE HEALED. 1 PETER 2:24

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Feb. 2, 2015
PEACE: Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God.

Janelle reminded me again of Ps. 126 - Remember when we were brought back from exile. It was as if we were dreaming. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues were spilling over into song. The word went out everywhere!! “The Eternal one has done remarkable things for them.” We were stunned. We were happy, beyond joyful!
 Now, Eternal, release the poor, the captives. Restore our fortunes; release just as dry riverbeds come to life with spring rains.
Those who walk the fields to sow, casting their seeds in tears, will one day tread those same long rows amazed by what’s appeared. Those who weep as they walk and plant with sighs, will return singing with joy when they bring home the harvest.


Stephanie woke up this morning and heard “it’s gone” in relation to cancer! Danae had a dream Saturday night that the girls were here and I was healed!!

I cling to Your word, Jesus. By Your wounds I have been healed.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Tue., February 3, 2015
Today I was totally exhausted. I slept an hour in the morning and laid on the couch about 2 hours in the afternoon. Marvin made the comment “healing is hard work.” Yes Jesus, you are my healer! I am healed in Jesus’ name.

As the light of Jesus and the breath of the Holy Spirit go down through me with my spirit connecting to Holy Spirit, the light and breath of oxygen is killing every cancer cell and washing, blowing them out of my body. Jesus’ light is bringing, replacing the old dead cells with new healthy cells.

SINGING IN THE RAIN
BELOLD I MAKE ALL THINGS NEW!
“I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD” - JESUS
WIND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BLOW THROUGH ME!


____




(Marvin)
If you would like to join us in prayer for healing, I would encourage you to pray in faith, believing for healing. Spend time with the Lord and find that place of peace in His Presence. Quiet yourself in Him. And then, when you have found that place of quiet, that cleft in the Rock that is covered by His own hand, then, pray.

Pray His heart for the advancement of His Kingdom. Pray His heart for Yvonne as revealed by His stripes, His poured out blood and His resurrection by the power of Holy Spirit. Pray His heart as revealed by Him sending a healing angel to her.

Please don’t pray out of fear or desperation. We are not trying to convince Him to do something that He is not sure that He wants to do. We are not trying to twist His arm or manipulate Him in any way; what a ludicrous and bizarre thought.

Why did Jesus say these things to her/us? Why would she be healed and not so many others who have also prayed for His healing grace? I don’t know. I could speculate or give ideas but I can’t go there. Our goal is to grow in grace along with the body of Christ. May this account be a testimony to the Grace of God for us, Jesus Christ. May the people of God be encouraged to continue to press into Him in spite of our many questions. May our questions cause us to pursue Him and step out boldly for Kingdom breakthrough instead of becoming passive in Kingdom living; certainly, true Kingdom living can never be passive. He is our answer.

We want to know Him and, therefore, His ways. We want to see the Lord Jesus glorified and Yvonne experience His compassion and righteousness.

Our only confidence is the poured out blood of Jesus Christ. It is only because of His finished work on Calvary that we have any hope of healing of any kind; spirit, soul or body. FOR BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THROUGH FAITH; AND THAT NOT OF YOURSELVES, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD; NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS SO THAT NO ONE MAY BOAST. (Eph. 2:8,9)

We are not believing in Jesus for healing for Yvonne because Yvonne is so wonderful, or Yvonne is so faithful or Yvonne has done so much for Jesus or Jesus owes Yvonne because of…. something. No. It is by virtue of the blood of Jesus that was given for her salvation, the stripes that He took for her healing and the Word that He gave that says so. She is saved by grace; she didn’t earn it.

Yvonne: “It may be incurable but it’s not unhealable!”

MAY JESUS CHRIST BE GLORIFIED!