May 7, 2015
On April 14, 2015 at approximately 2:15 a.m., the body of my wife, Grace Yvonne Nafziger Miller, died and her soul entered the presence of the Lord Jesus, her Savior.
This is a time of a lot of questions, as you can imagine if you have been following this blog. If you have been following, you probably have questions yourself. I know that I do. Although I do not have the answers, I do have a perspective on her death and the events surrounding it that brings a degree of understanding to me. I also believe that I have gained an understanding of the nature and the ways of God that I did not have before. Even though her life did not continue in the way that we anticipated and even as I continue to firmly believe that the Lord had assured us, I do confidently declare that the Lord God is faithful to His Word; He does not lie and we were not deceived.
How can I say that after what we experienced and declared? How am I going to explain the gap between what we believe the Lord said and what actually happened? First of all, I ask you to hear what I say. In other words, please do not automatically try to filter my words with your own experiences and beliefs about God and how He works. Second, I am not going to try to answer all your questions. I don't have the answers. What I am going to try to do is to communicate to you what I, and those who were there during that incredible last week of her life, experienced, heard and saw, both in the natural and what the Lord showed us in the spirit.
What I am going to post here is what I shared during the funeral of Yvonne in Red Lake, ON and also in the memorial service near Hickory, NC. Numerous people later thanked me for sharing this perspective, saying that it helped them understand what happened and bring closure for them in resolving her death after they had joined us in praying and interceding for her and the purposes of God.
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Shared on April 21, 2015 at Yvonne's funeral:
The last three weeks have been extremely difficult for me. During this time of Yvonne's sickness there have been periods of emotional turmoil but the overwhelming and primary awareness in me has been the knowledge that the Lord Jesus has been carrying me and strengthening me. I have been so aware of the prayers of Gods people. The posts on Facebook as well as emails, cards and phone calls were an incredible encouragement to me. We pressed into the heart of God like we never had before. We were so aware of His leading and direction. Our Lord Jesus is completely faithful.
Some may wonder how I can testify to His faithfulness at a time like this. After believing, praying and declaring Yvonne's healing for so long and so publicly, how can I testify to the faithfulness of our God? Didn't He just let Yvonne die? Was He really leading? It is times like this, however, that compel us to come back to the bedrock truths that we have complete faith in. There are times that we simply choose to believe what He has said about Himself and that have been proven true by 1) Scripture, 2) Holy Spirit's inner witness, 3) the earnest, prayerful testing and declaring by mature believers, 4) the application of these truths during the circumstances of life.
It is at times like this that I must not let my questions keep me from the answers I know. I cannot let what I don't know stop me from living out what I know to be true. I know that God cannot lie. I know that He does not deceive me. I know He is Great (all powerful). I know that He is Good. I know that He is Light and in Him is no darkness. I know that He is the Eternal. I know that He is Faithful and True. I know He is Love. I could go on concerning His unshakable nature and His immovable throne. If I allow any question to begin to veer me from the bedrock truths of God, my conclusion is wrong.
During the last week of Yvonne's life there were seven of us with her. During this time we were led by the Holy Spirit to pray, read scripture and sing as we sought the Lord for His heart in advancing His Kingdom and her healing. Most of us were confident that we had heard from the Lord that Yvonne would be healed and there would be fruitful ministry in the future. All of us were in complete agreement in seeking the heart of God for Yvonne and to advance His Kingdom. There were numerous prophetic words received and given in order to be considered for encouragement and direction. We knew and continue to believe, without wavering, that we were in a major spiritual battle for her and much more. I can't say much more at this time as I need to process many things and trust the Lord will show me more of what was accomplished.
So, what happened? Why was Yvonne not healed? After so many prayers, so much faith expressed, so many prophetic and insightful words, why did she go Home? I don't know if I am totally right in this but this is my perspective. Yvonne had fought this cancer for at least a year. She had endured. She had sought the Lord along with me. She totally believed in the healing power and desire of the Lord. As we continued to seek and hear from |Him, it seemed to us, and others, that her healing would come at the very end. I don't know why the Lord timed it that way. During that last week, it became obvious that our timing was not the same as the Lord's. We obeyed as we knew, trusted Him for the accomplishment and watched in growing awareness that it truly was coming down to the very end for her healing.
The last two days of her life were difficult, to say the least. We still believed but watched her speech and awareness deteriorate even while we trusted. There were many times when Yvonne couldn't communicate and was almost unresponsive. And then came the last night. Yvonne became alert and was very coherent. She had our attention and adamantly asked me for her release. She begged me insistently to release her to go see Jesus. All of us had already done so, each of us individually telling her goodbye and releasing her to go to Jesus. I had done so as well. Now she was insisting that she needed me to release her. I felt a measure of horror as I realized what was happening. We spoke to her and made sure that we understood what she wanted and that she knew what she was asking.
We asked her that even though she wanted to go home to her precious Jesus, if He wanted to heal her and she remain here on earth, was that okay with her? She said, "absolutely." I then, for the final time, told her that I release her to go to her Lord Jesus; she is free to go. Soon after that, she leaned back, rested her head on her pillow and closed her eyes. About four hours later, she was home with Jesus.
So, what happened? I believe that somewhere in those last two days, she saw or became very aware of Jesus. I believe she saw His beauty, His glory and realized His overwhelming love for her. I believe she compared what she saw of Jesus to everything here on earth; her husband, her family, potential future ministry, life in general, and then chose the Lord Jesus. I think she chose well.
I remembered the story of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha. Martha chose to go to the kitchen and prepare food for Jesus; she chose ministry. Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and look into His eyes; she chose the Presence. I believe Yvonne did the same thing.
The apostle Paul said that to live is Christ: that's ministry. To die is gain: that's His Presence. Yvonne chose well. Jesus said that Mary had chosen well and that her choice would not be denied her. What would Lord Jesus, the One who bought her with His own blood, say about Yvonne?
The scriptural account of Moses and his relationship to the Lord God has become an example for me in my life. Scripture says that the children of Israel knew the works of God but Moses knew His ways. When the Lord God invited all the people to come close to the mountain because He wanted to speak to all of them, the people looked at the mountain. They saw the smoke billowing as from a furnace. They saw the lightning and heard the thunder. They felt the ground shake. They told Moses that he could go up for them but they weren't going to risk it. Then they turned and ran.
Not Moses. He saw the same thing that they saw and it drew him up the path to the top of the mountain. He walked in the Spirit of the fear of the Lord and it drew him closer. Yvonne and I felt the same as Moses. This great and awesome God can be trusted. He is faithful. He doesn't show us all things nor does He answer all of our questions which causes to walk by faith. Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It is the glory of kings to search out a matter." The question for us is, will we value so highly the treasure of God that is hidden for us that we will search it out at all costs?
Yvonne pressed in as we sought to advance the Kingdom of God. She found the greatest Treasure. She chose well.
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