How Do You Move On?

     Lord Jesus, I reach out to You. I stretch out my hand and I ask You to take my hand in Yours. I ask You to show me how and enable me to walk with You. During the times that I am unable to walk, I ask You to patiently sit with me or simply carry me. I need You. I make the declaration that “I will never turn away from You.” Now, I ask You, please make it so. In my own strength I cannot make my own words true. I need You. I know that You are good. I know that my future in You is good. I know that my destination is The Father. I know that my glorious wife, Yvonne, is in His Presence now and that I will see her again in due time. That is good, very good. Until then....what will my life be? Only You know and You are good; my future is good.

   After Yvonne's funeral, time passed so slowly. It still does, but amazingly, it does pass. During a time like that, however, all I could do was to tell the Lord what I just said, “Please carry me.” He did; He is so faithful, so understanding. After the memorial service in North Carolina, my prayer became, “Lord, what do I do now? Where do I go from here?” I knew the short term answer for the “where”. That was in Kamloops, British Columbia. I had already made plans to go there for ministry from the body of believers in Jesus who meet at the Kamloops Vineyard Church. It was to be a time of just rest while receiving from Jesus through His conduits who are His Lovers, those people who have His compassion and who desire to let His love flow through them to whomever will stand in the flow of His river of love.

    And so I went to Kamloops and positioned myself before the Lord my Healer. I was not disappointed! Oh my! I was not disappointed in the least! Our Lord has a beautiful heart for the hurting, for those who have a bruised, battered and broken spirit as mine was (He told me that was the case for me). My healing began the day that I arrived in Kamloops during a conversation that I had with Eric McCooeye, the leader of the home group that I would be hanging out with for most of the month of June. He briefly talked, in simple conversation, of lamentation, which is the turning of the one who is hurting to the Lord in simple trust. Lamentation is turning to the Lord and honestly pouring out the contents of a hurting heart; it is a sacrifice of praise to Him when there is intense emotional pain, overwhelming questions, anger, bewilderment, and so many other things that you don't know what to do with. Lamentation is a praise and honour to the Lord that can only be given to the Lord while on earth; there will be no circumstance in heaven that would prompt or give occasion or reason to lament.

   That conversation occurred during a drive up to McQueen Lake. We were going to a weekend retreat the home group was hosting. That very night I had an amazing, very quiet, encounter with the Lord which would be the first of numerous times of prophetic ministry during the next month.

    May I tell you about it? I am aware that I can tend to get long in my updates. However, I would like to give you an idea of what the Lord and His people did for me. Maybe, (if you like me!) you will take time to give Jesus praise and pray a blessing on His people who treated me in this way if you know what happened.

    That evening we had a time of praise, worship, prayer for everyone who wanted it (virtually all did!) and some testimonies. For me the time of worship and singing was an alone time. I had just gotten to Kamloops that day. I didn't know anyone very well although I had met Eric and a couple of the other people back in Ontario a couple of years before. I had buried my wife just 6 weeks ago. So lonely. I sat there and then knelt on the concrete floor. I was holding my hands out in front of me to the Lord. Tears streamed down my face and dripped on the floor. Oh, Jesus.

    Then, a young woman seated in my row to my right slid over to me. She remained seated, leaned forward and put her head on my right shoulder. She put her arm around my back and left shoulder. She didn't say anything, just leaned over to me. Then, a young woman seated in front of me turned around and took my right hand in hers. She just held my hand and began to pray in the Spirit. She didn't say anything to me, just prayed without understanding. Next, a woman seated next to her and in front of me turned around and reaching out, placed her hand on my chest near my heart. She didn't say anything either.

    None of them spoke to me. None of them had ever met me before. None of them knew anything about me; they didn't know my story or why I was there. They didn't ask questions. From my perspective they were young, attractive women who didn't know this man or anything about him. The only thing they knew was that the Love of Jesus moved them. They felt His compassion. They had a desire to obey His Spirit and they did.

    The only reason that I mention that they were young and attractive is that the Lord was showing me something here as well. I have always heard and have been taught that a person must be very careful in cross-gender ministry, and rightly so; again, rightly so. I absolutely believe that and have always been careful about that. Purity is a must and those situations must be guarded. But here I was having just lost my wife. I was lonely, hurting and somewhat vulnerable. Even so, I was very aware that their hearts were pure. I had no feeling other than I knew they were moved by compassion and released the love of Jesus to a hurting man. I don't even know if they knew I was a believer or just assumed so in that setting. This was also a very public setting and was a safe place.

    I am not trying to establish a precedent for anything here. I am not saying that we need to let our guards down or change anything. I just found something that, to me, was profound. I was so aware of Love. It was so healing to know that they were simply living the scripture, “love one another.” In the next weeks I was the recipient of many hugs from numerous women. This was during a time when I was so painfully aware of the lack of the comforting and delightful hugs from my wife who was always so free with her hugs and kisses to me. In a pure way, these women were ministering to my masculine soul?, spirit?, heart?, something that I was in great need of: a pure, feminine hug. What a blessing they were to me, my sisters in the Lord.

    As we simply sat there in silence, I was so aware of peace. I was so aware of comfort and compassion. I could even feel the compassion being poured out over my entire being. It was a very quiet and gentle time of healing but very powerful. My healing had begun. Even now as I think and write about it, the tears flow again. I pray I will never forget how the Lord poured out His Love over me through His people.

    About a month later as I related this experience to a pastor in Oregon, he looked at me and smiled. He said, “Yeah, that was the gift of prophetic ministry to you. The one lady held your hand to minister strength, the one lady placed her hand on your heart to minister encouragement to you and the other lady placed her head on your shoulder and her arm around your shoulders to minister comfort to you. That is part of what I Corinthians 14:2 is talking about.” He was right; that is exactly what happened. And that was the beginning of the wonderful ministry that I received during that amazing month.

    In the time that I was in Kamloops I was also the recipient of much ministry from the men, my brothers in the Lord. They also were focused on being men who were moved by the Holy Spirit and would speak and act accordingly. One of the ways that I was ministered to was very enjoyable. One of the men was, as the saying goes, “a man's man.” He was a predator hunter in his spare time. There was a sheep ranch a couple of hours away, up in the mountains. He had grown up there and had a personal interest in the safety of the sheep and the well-being of the family.

    A couple of times he invited me to go along with him to that area. He would put his .338 Win. Mag. and a 45/70 behind the seat of his Dodge Ram 4x4, stick shift, Cummins turbo diesel pickup, put a chainsaw and some safety gear and tools in the bed and off we would go on the logging roads keeping an eye out for wolves and bears. (A 45/70 is a good rifle to have in your hands if a grizzly is charging). We would stop at the store, top off the fuel tank, buy some snacks (don't tell his wife the quality of snacks!) and head for the mountains; a couple of men out for the day in the wilds of BC, (you know the grunt you could insert here). I found this to be very healing as well; it had been a long time since I had done anything like that.

    I had a deep desire and need to be in the mountains. For the last six months or so I had been totally focused on caring for Yvonne. All I had known during that time was the inside of the house, giving comfort and personal care for her at home and then in the hospital. After that was the funeral and intense sorrow. I was very willing to do that for her; I counted it a privilege from the Lord to be able to do that for her. But now I wanted very much, almost desperately, to get up someplace high, someplace where I could look out and see for miles. We found some of those places; I would just sit and look. Thank you, Lord. As we drove and bounced along those rough roads, we talked. We talked about Yvonne's death, we talked about his childhood in that area, we talked about the church in Kamloops, we talked about the turbo on his truck that needed a bigger inter-cooler, we talked about a lot of things. Sometimes the Lord's healing comes through non-religious conversation.
Sometimes, as we drove, he would look at me and begin to prophesy. He would offer his thoughts to me as being prompted by the Lord; sometimes we weren't sure the source of the words and sometimes we knew: the Lord had spoken and it was very encouraging. It is always wonderful to know that the Lord loves His people and still speaks to us in various ways. That was, and continues to be, very healing to know Jesus is right beside me and understands perfectly my thoughts, feelings and motives for decisions that I want Him to make for me. Hmm. By the way, you can't pull the wool over His eyes. How can you when He never sleeps?
     The first and main question that I had before the Lord was concerning my future. Although I continue to have many questions concerning Yvonne's death and the events leading up to it, the main thing on my mind was, “Lord, where do I go?” As the days passed in Kamloops, as I experienced over and over the loving ministry of the Body of Christ, it became pretty easy to begin thinking and wishing that the Lord would lead me to move to Kamloops. After all, it's pretty wonderful here. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the people are focused on me, etc. (I trust you heard the tongue in cheek just now).
    My enquiry of the Lord also was about my involvement with First Nations Restoration Centre where Yvonne and I had ministered together under the leadership of our wonderful friends Maurice and Louise Chisel. Yvonne and I had been, among other things, the host couple at the Centre. Now she's gone and it's pretty hard to be a host couple by yourself. Obviously, my role had changed. But where do I go? What do I do? Is my involvement with the Centre over? I also noticed that my focus, and my desire to remain focused on Ontario was waning. Lord, what are you doing? Is this me or You? Are You moving me or am I running from the painful memories that I associate with the Centre? Why am I thinking about Kamloops? Is it because the only experiences that I have there are good, pleasant, even wonderful and with no pain? I became aware that I had very little interest in remaining in the area of Northwestern Ontario.
    This awareness bothered me a great deal. If I would leave NW Ontario, what about my friends here? What about the people and the work that had been on the Lord's heart when He led us to this area? By the way, just what was on the Lord's heart for us when He brought us out of darkness into His marvelous light? What was He thinking when He led us from North Carolina to Pennsylvania? Why did He bring us from Pennsylvania to NW Ontario? Why would I think that I had reached my ultimate earthly destination in NW ON when there had been so much unfinished work in every place that I have ever been led away from? Is “the work” the bottom line for what He does in our lives and asks us to do for Him? Just wondering.
    During this time of receiving healing for my spirit, heart and soul, I have been staying very close to the Lord. I praise the Lord Jesus for His grace that has kept me from anger or hopelessness that could cause me to choose to quit my walk with Him. As devastating as Yvonne's death was to me, the questions I have because of the apparent failure of God to keep His word to us (you may not be aware of that part of our story), the many questions that even come because of the visions that were given to us in her hospital room that could bring us to doubt the Lord's motives toward us, these things brought the potential of anger and bitterness against God more than anything else. Please notice, be very aware that I said “potential of anger” and not the reality of the presence of anger.
I am not angry at God.
    No, I do not understand very many things about Him. When I compare what I am convinced that I know about Him to how big and infinite He is, then no, I don't know much. But I do know that He is Good. He is Love. He is Faithful and True. He is Worthy of all that I can bring Him with my little life. He loved my little life so much that He gave His great life to redeem mine. I know these things and more about my God. I refuse to leave what I know simply because there are some things that I do not know or understand. How little is my life anyway, when I am created in His image?
Now, back to my story.
    As I said, the main questions before me were, “where do I go” and “what do I do”? I also had mentioned that I had purposed to remain close to the Lord and to keep my spirit in tune with His Spirit; to remain in His presence with an alert heart and mind so that I may hear His voice. In this time, I have been almost desperately listening for Him. After going through this, I do not want to miss Him. I know that He is very capable to speak in such a way that I will not even be able to miss it but I find myself very attentive, to say the least.
    I constantly positioned myself to hear from Him. By this I mean that I spent time in His Word, I would talk not just to Him but spend time listening for His voice. I spent time with people who were of like mind as myself; people who were tuned into Him so that they could pass on a message from the Lord to whomever He would speak, in this case, me. And so I attended a prophetic conference in Langley, BC. While there, I signed up for a personal ministry time in which I sat down with seven people whose focus and goal was to listen to Holy Spirit on behalf of myself. The conviction of each person there was that the Lord loves to speak to His people and if we will listen expectantly, He will be delighted to honour our desire to be with Him and hear Him.
    One of the people said this: “I see a sailors hat. Your are standing on the deck of a ship with a telescope. Jesus is standing behind you with His hand on your shoulder. He is showing you where to look in a revelatory way. He is showing you and directing you to new lands. You are charting a new course. He is right with you.”
    Later, I was thinking and praying about this and the other “words” that were given to me in that fifteen minute prayer time. (I actually have pages and pages of them in my journal. I love hearing from the Lord in this way)! As I was praying for the Lord's confirmation or clarification, I was wondering if the “new lands” that were referred to were literally new lands as in a new location or new lands as in a new focus of ministry that would be new for me. Then, I heard the Lord say to me directly: “This new land is not in Red Lake. Come west. Start in Kamloops and go from there.”
So, what would you do with that? What would you do with the two other times that I heard Him speak that were just as specific as this one? It really is not very often that I hear Him speak that specifically. When He does, it tends to get my attention. Couple that with the fact that Yvonne and I had been feeling that we would be moving back to Red Lake in the near future and minister from there but this answers that question as well.
   There is one other “word” that I would like to relate. I have mentioned that I didn't have a desire to remain in NW ON any longer. I didn't know why. I have no doubt that the Lord could bring such a deep healing to me that I could even stay at the Centre in some capacity and minister there in spite of the memories. He is able and I don't want to limit His grace and power to me. However, I didn't want to stay there. Was I running away from the pain? Then, one morning I was talking to the Lord and I said to Him, “Lord, I don't want to go back to Kejick Bay. Am I resisting Your healing and Your plan for me?” Then He replied, “No. My Presence for you is gone from there. I want you to come to Kamloops.” Then I asked Him, ”What do you have for me to do in Kamloops?” His answer was, “Your work will appear to be varied but you are a specific weapon in My hand.”
    Last week I went back to Kamloops for a few days from Oregon where I have been with three of my daughters for the month of July. My purpose for the trip was to talk with the church leadership in order to see if they would feel the same as what I have been feeling. I met with them, talked with various individuals, spent time in prayer, examined the desires, dreams, the direction of my heart. And the conclusion of all this is, yes, I believe the Lord is leading me to move to Kamloops, British Columbia. The people that I have talked to as well as the leadership of the church are very excited about my joining them.
    The first people that I called and told about what I felt the Lord doing in moving me to a new location was Maurice and Louise. I told them what I was experiencing and what was in my heart. They were very supportive; very wonderful as I was sure they would be. They beautifully released me to follow the Lord's leading for my life. They prayed for me and blessed me. They are completely leaning on the Lord during this time as well. They lost a wonderful friend in Yvonne and are hurting as they receive His healing. They have so many questions as do I. They too prayed, wept, and trusted the Lord for Yvonne. And now they hurt but continue to look to the Lord. What's next for them? They have been so faithful to the Lord over the years as they experienced the fulfilment of the vision of the Centre that the Lord had given them. Now that has changed. What would the Lord do for them? Please pray for them as well.
   So, now what? I plan to arrive back at Kejick Bay on August 14 and begin packing. I will arrive in Kamloops sometime in the last week of August. I don't know yet whether I will use a moving company or rent a U-Haul. Renting a U-Haul will cost around $5000.00 with fuel and taxes; I haven't yet heard back from the moving company with their price. I suspect I will rent a U-Haul truck and trailer for my vehicle.
   Now, here is something that I wonder about. When the Lord moved my family and I to NW ON back in 1996, it was for a specific work located in Stormer Lake. The focus was for the First Nations people of NW Ontario. That location is changing and maybe the focus as well. Certainly, the focus is expanding. The work that I will be involved in has not been specified and I believe that I also will be doing more travelling as I minister in whatever capacity the Lord has prepared me for. But I don't really know what that will be.
   My question for you as my supporters in prayer and finances is, what would the Lord have you do? I don't know if there will be any income from any other source or work that I will do. I do know that my expenses will increase, perhaps dramatically. I will need to rent a house or apartment, which will probably be around $1000.00/month, which is an expense that I don't have at this time. I would love for the Lord to provide a place for a small workshop for my woodworking tools which I haven't been able to use very much since Stormer. Maybe I'll have to sell the tools, I don't know. I'm just not sure what is yet to come.
   I know that the church leadership in Kamloops are very supportive and are seeking the Lord for His direction and are brainstorming ideas for ministry opportunities, especially toward men who want to be mentored in life skills and who also may be interested in learning more of God and walking with Him. This is something that I would like to be involved with. I also believe that my involvement with ministry to or with Native people is not over. I don't know just what it will look like but there is still something there in my heart for the Native people.
   What I am asking you to do, as I know you have done numerous times before, is to simply ask the Lord for His direction. What would He have you to do? As there are changes occurring in my work and location; as this may not be what you feel in your heart that you want to support, I want you to know that I release you to do and support whatever else the Lord has placed in your heart. I know and declare that the Lord, He is God, and we are His people. Lord Jesus will build His Kingdom and He has graciously invited each of us to join Him in that work in various ways.
I certainly am not saying that I no longer need your prayers and financial support. I actually am going to need to expand my support base somehow. What I don't want is for anyone to feel “stuck” in supporting me. I trust Holy Spirit to lead and speak to each of us in our own involvement in the Kingdom.
   May the Lord bless you. May the Peace of God be upon you. May His glorious Presence fill your entire being. May His Provision be abundant to you for whatever needs you have, and I know they are many. He is Lord and He is Good, so Good. Praise His wonderful Name. I know my Heavenly Father loves me.


In His Grace,
Marvin

Yvonne Chose Well

May 7, 2015

On April 14, 2015 at approximately 2:15 a.m., the body of my wife, Grace Yvonne Nafziger Miller, died and her soul entered the presence of the Lord Jesus, her Savior.

This is a time of a lot of questions, as you can imagine if you have been following this blog. If you have been following, you probably have questions yourself. I know that I do. Although I do not have the answers, I do have a perspective on her death and the events surrounding it that brings a degree of understanding to me. I also believe that I have gained an understanding of the nature and the ways of God that I did not have before. Even though her life did not continue in the way that we anticipated and even as I continue to firmly believe that the Lord had assured us, I do confidently declare that the Lord God is faithful to His Word; He does not lie and we were not deceived.

How can I say that after what we experienced and declared? How am I going to  explain the gap between what we believe the Lord said and what actually happened? First of all, I ask you to hear what I say. In other words, please do not automatically try to filter my words with your own experiences and beliefs about God and how He works. Second, I am not going to try to answer all your questions. I don't have the answers. What I am going to try to do is to communicate to you what I, and those who were there during that incredible last week of her life, experienced, heard and saw, both in the natural and what the Lord showed us in the spirit.

What I am going to post here is what I shared during the funeral of Yvonne in Red Lake, ON and also in the memorial service near Hickory, NC. Numerous people later thanked me for sharing this perspective, saying that it helped them understand what happened and bring closure for them in resolving her death after they had joined us in praying and interceding for her and the purposes of God.

_______

Shared on April 21, 2015 at Yvonne's funeral:

The last three weeks have been extremely difficult for me. During this time of Yvonne's sickness there have been periods of emotional turmoil but the overwhelming and primary awareness in me has been the knowledge that the Lord Jesus has been carrying me and strengthening me. I have been so aware of the prayers of Gods people. The posts on Facebook as well as emails, cards and phone calls were an incredible encouragement to me. We pressed into the heart of God like we never had before. We were so aware of His leading and direction. Our Lord Jesus is completely faithful.

Some may wonder how I can testify to His faithfulness at a time like this. After believing, praying and declaring Yvonne's healing for so long and so publicly, how can I testify to the faithfulness of our God? Didn't He just let Yvonne die? Was He really leading? It is times like this, however, that compel us to come back to the bedrock truths that we have complete faith in. There are times that we simply choose to believe what He has said about Himself and that have been proven true by 1) Scripture, 2) Holy Spirit's inner witness, 3) the earnest, prayerful testing and declaring by mature believers, 4) the application of these truths during the circumstances of life.

It is at times like this that I must not let my questions keep me from the answers I know. I cannot let what I don't know stop me from living out what I know to be true. I know that God cannot lie. I know that He does not deceive me. I know He is Great (all powerful). I know that He is Good. I know that He is Light and in Him is no darkness. I know that He is the Eternal. I know that He is Faithful and True. I know He is Love. I could go on concerning His unshakable nature and His immovable throne. If I allow any question to begin to veer me from the bedrock truths of God, my conclusion is wrong.

During the last week of Yvonne's life there were seven of us with her. During this time we were led by the Holy Spirit to pray, read scripture and sing as we sought the Lord for His heart in advancing His Kingdom and her healing. Most of us were confident that we had heard from the Lord that Yvonne would be healed and there would be fruitful ministry in the future. All of us were in complete agreement in seeking the heart of God for Yvonne and to advance His Kingdom. There were numerous prophetic words received and given in order to be considered for encouragement and direction. We knew and continue to believe, without wavering, that we were in a major spiritual battle for her and much more. I can't say much more at this time as I need to process many things and trust the Lord will show me more of what was accomplished.

So, what happened? Why was Yvonne not healed? After so many prayers, so much faith expressed, so many prophetic and insightful words, why did she go Home? I don't know if I am totally right in this but this is my perspective. Yvonne had fought this cancer for at least a year. She had endured. She had sought the Lord along with me. She totally believed in the healing power and desire of the Lord. As we continued to seek and hear from |Him, it seemed to us, and others, that her healing would come at the very end. I don't know why the Lord timed it that way. During that last week, it became obvious that our timing was not the same as the Lord's. We obeyed as we knew, trusted Him for the accomplishment and watched in growing awareness that it truly was coming down to the very end for her healing.

The last two days of her life were difficult, to say the least. We still believed but watched her speech and awareness deteriorate even while we trusted. There were many times when Yvonne couldn't communicate and was almost unresponsive. And then came the last night. Yvonne became alert and was very coherent. She had our attention and adamantly asked me for her release. She begged me insistently to release her to go see Jesus. All of us had already done so, each of us individually telling her goodbye and releasing her to go to Jesus. I had done so as well. Now she was insisting that she needed me to release her. I felt a measure of horror as I realized what was happening. We spoke to her and made sure that we understood what she wanted and that she knew what she was asking.

We asked her that even though she wanted to go home to her precious Jesus, if He wanted to heal her and she remain here on earth, was that okay with her? She said, "absolutely." I then, for the final time, told her that I release her to go to her Lord Jesus; she is free to go. Soon after that, she leaned back, rested her head on her pillow and closed her eyes. About four hours later, she was home with Jesus.

So, what happened? I believe that somewhere in those last two days, she saw or became very aware of Jesus. I believe she saw His beauty, His glory and realized His overwhelming love for her. I believe she compared what she saw of Jesus to everything here on earth; her husband, her family, potential future ministry, life in general, and then chose the Lord Jesus. I think she chose well.

I remembered the story of  Jesus visiting Mary and Martha. Martha chose to go to the kitchen and prepare food for Jesus; she chose ministry. Mary chose to sit at the feet of Jesus and look into His eyes; she chose the Presence. I believe Yvonne did the same thing.

The apostle Paul said that to live is Christ: that's ministry. To die is gain: that's His Presence. Yvonne chose well. Jesus said that Mary had chosen well and that her choice would not be denied her. What would Lord Jesus, the One who bought her with His own blood, say about Yvonne?

The scriptural account of Moses and his relationship to the Lord God has become an example for me in my life. Scripture says that the children of Israel knew the works of God but Moses knew His ways. When the Lord God invited all the people to come close to the mountain because He wanted to speak to all of them, the people looked at the mountain. They saw the smoke billowing as from a furnace. They saw the lightning and heard the thunder. They felt the ground shake. They told Moses that he could go up for them but they weren't going to risk it. Then they turned and ran.

Not Moses. He saw the same thing that they saw and it drew him up the path to the top of the mountain. He walked in the Spirit of the fear of the Lord and it drew him closer. Yvonne and I felt the same as Moses. This great and awesome God can be trusted. He is faithful. He doesn't show us all things nor does He answer all of our questions which causes to walk by faith. Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It is the glory of kings to search out a matter." The question for us is, will we value so highly the treasure of God that is hidden for us that we will search it out at all costs?

Yvonne pressed in as we sought to advance the Kingdom of God. She found the greatest Treasure. She chose well.

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God Continues Speaking, Part 2

The past couple of days, we have been seeing several visions of wolves trying to get at Yvonne, but they’d never made it past the door to her room. Cindy felt like the wolf was death. We had a really good time of worship and prayer on Wednesday night (when Erica saw the big angel keeping the black wolf outside), but slacked off on Thursday morning, with not as much singing and praying. Still some, but not as much.

On Thursday, we were gathered around Yvonne’s bed worshipping when Sarah saw a wolf crouched at the foot of the bed. It leaped at Yvonne, but a big man standing by her feet (Jesus), turned and swung his fist at the wolf. He hit it in the muzzle and it fell to the ground and ran away.

Marvin wondered why the wolf had been able to come into the room, since it’d always been outside before. We realized that our prayers and praise had kept it out, but we had slowed down in the spiritual warfare. After we started praying again, Sarah saw that the big man had a bow and arrow and was following the wolf. It was like he had a walkie-talkie and we had one, too. He told us, “I’m hunting the wolf.” He had the wolf in his sights, but hadn’t shot yet.

Marvin really wanted this to be written down. “It’s a lesson in spiritual warfare,” he said.

When we kept praying, it felt like angels resealed the room, keeping the wolf out.

Awhile later, several people saw the wolves again. Danae saw the wolves running away with muzzles on. “Who can they hurt with muzzles?” Marvin said. Sarah saw two wolves snapping and snarling at the door, trying so hard to get in. But as we kept praising the name of Jesus, she saw the wolves in the hospital hall, both wounded. The one had fallen, dead, and the other kept trying to run away until it fell, too. Jesus came and dragged the wolves away, saying, “I’ll take care of this.

It’s obvious that Jesus is still here with us, encouraging and speaking to us. Several times a day, we sit together in Yvonne’s room and sing. It seems that the nurses enjoy it, as well. Please keep praying with us as we seek God in the next steps and continue reminding Him of His promises, and asking for His healing.

God Continues Speaking

We continue waiting on the Lord. Yvonne's sister and brother-in-law are here, along with four of her daughters. Sarah was finally able to make it home yesterday morning, after a night which the doctor didn't expect Yvonne to get through. Yvonne had a good day yesterday, and in the evening we had a time of prayer and worship.

The doctor came to prepare us for what the end look like, but then God started telling us something more hopeful. As we prayed, several of us received impressions.

• Dennis saw a picture of a valley covered in fog, and above it sat an eagle. The sun began to rise over the valley, shining brightly on the eagle's head. "A new day is dawning."
• Sarah saw twice yesterday that Jesus was sitting cross-legged on the foot of Yvonne's bed, facing her. Then she saw the cross standing in the middle of the room. The blood of Jesus dripped from the cross and ran across the floor and up the bed to Yvonne. As the blood touched Yvonne, her body turned pure white and a black mist left her body.
• Cindy got a picture of a white embryo, resting over a white bed. "New life." Erica saw a tightly closed Easter lily blooming while a huge yellow sun rose behind it.
• Erica felt that there was an angel standing outside the patio door with his arms up, like he was guarding the door. She then saw a black wolf (like Scarface from The Wilderness Family, for anyone who's watched it) outside snarling, but then he stopped and turned and walked away.
  After Erica shared this, Yvonne said that she had seen a huge angel, as big as the room. She asked if he was a healing angel, and he said yes. However, she asked God to confirm if she had seen right by having someone else see an angel, too.

As we began to pray and worship, Yvonne asked "Does anyone else feel like there's doves all over the room?" We've been continually reminded of God's promises; from doves, which represent peace and the Holy Spirit; to seeing Yvonne guarded from wolves that represent death.

God's Great Grace, Part 4

April 4, 2015 (4-4-15)

A few times Yvonne has mentioned that it bothers her that I know hardly anything about paying the bills or the passwords for any of the accounts. Tonight she brought it up again and it was obvious that it bothered her greatly. So I said, why don't we spend some time talking about this and write down what I need to know. Janelle got the laptop and created a spreadsheet for it.

One of my fears that I am trying to overcome, especially during times like this, is the fear of doing, or not doing, something that would “derail” the whole plan of God. I know that this is an invalid concern; even a religious fear. In this case, here is something that the Lord God himself, the One who spoke the entire universe into existence with a Word, said He will do. Do I think that I am able to stop Him from accomplishing His plan and purpose?

On the other hand, Jesus was unable to do any miracles in his hometown; He was only able to heal a few people. The problem was a lack of faith in Jesus by the people who knew him. I don't want to disappoint Jesus or cause him to have to find someone else that will press in to Him all the way until there is breakthrough and His plan is accomplished. It would be so incredibly disappointing for us to have come so far and be so close to the victory of His will and to then fail. Would He allow that to happen?

And so we paused in our taking care of undone details that were bothering Yvonne and talked to the Lord about it. We asked Him a question, “Does our taking care of details like this show a lack of faith in You?” Then we waited, listening. I heard a voice say, “The funeral will take place... in 30 years!” Seriously, Lord​​? I'm trying to be serious about this. (Insert 'grin' here). The consensus was that the Lord wasn't bothered at all by our planning at a time like this. I like that.

Then, I had an idea. Let's ask Him for a confirmation. Let's ask Him, “Is it okay for us to do this?” We did and we waited. What happened next is actually stunning. I wonder if I will ever really grasp the closeness of the Lord; the reality of His joy over us as His people.

Almost immediately I saw the feet and ankles of a very large, tall person or being. I saw the edge of his robe and the lower end of a staff. The thickness of the staff was about 3 inches. This person raised the staff and forcefully hit the ground 3 times, boom, boom, boom. Then I heard a voice speak. It was a large voice and spoke with authority. He said, “Let it be done.” There was joy and gladness in the voice. It was permission and more; it was a command. “LET IT BE DONE.”

My first thought was sort of, wow, why the force? Why the...drama? It was just a question! We continued to wait. Then, I saw warships on the move. I saw an aircraft carrier and a destroyer, I think. They were creating a major bow wave; they were on the move. I heard the voice say, “I am putting my people in place.”

To be continued....

Short Update on Yvonne

Hello Dear family and friends,

We wanted to give everyone an update on Yvonne. Her spirit is strong; but physically she continues to deteriorate. Her immediate family, along with Cindy and Dennis, are surrounding her. 

Marvin and the girls are still believing in Him healing her, but they have also released her to go if Jesus calls her. 

We are asking for all communicate and/or visits to be confirmed through Cindy Detweiler at cinddetw@gmail.com. The family will use a face book page to post updates regarding Yvonne in the near future. 

Please continue to keep them all in your prayers,

June and Sara for the family

God's Great Grace, Part 3

(Marvin)





On Monday, March 23, Yvonne had a scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor met with her, asked a few questions and told her that she needed to be admitted into the hospital. The doctor wanted to run some tests and see how far the cancer had spread and what needed to be done to treat the symptoms Yvonne had. She had lost some more weight, her energy level had dropped significantly, there was swelling in her left arm and ankles, as well as other symptoms.

I was not surprised to hear her decision. I had almost suggested we pack a bag of clothes to take along, just in case. We were admitted and they immediately did a CT scan and a chest X-ray. Then we waited. The next day we received a preliminary report which didn't sound too bad. It didn't look like the cancer had spread but it was affecting the lymph nodes in the left arm along with some other symptoms. Then we waited. On Wednesday, March 25 we heard the full medical report of her condition or at least what was necessary for us to hear. It wasn't good.

The radiologist had reviewed the scan and compared it to the one taken back on November 17, 2014. Then she saw a more accurate picture of her abdomen. The cancer had spread after all. It was in her liver and her spine as well as causing swelling in the lymph nodes in her arm which restricted the return circulation, causing swelling in her arm. There was also a lot of excess fluid in her abdomen.

As the doctor was talking in her soft, gentle way, there was that strange, surreal feeling of...I knew what was coming. Then she said that, from her opinion based on experience, it was time for us to call our family so that they could make plans to come and say goodbye to Yvonne. And so we did.

I am very aware that far too many of us have had to do that because of cancer. I sincerely apologize for bringing back such painful memories. May the Lord continue to bring healing to each of us.

That evening we began to make the phone calls. That was incredibly difficult. How painful it is to see your words cause so much pain and bewilderment. Such sorrow and stunned disbelief.

But there was, and still is, another difficulty. How do you communicate fact while holding onto Truth? We readily acknowledge the presence of cancer. That is a fact. We know that without divine intervention there will soon be physical death. We don't deny that fact. The tension we find ourselves in is, how do we...(I'm staring at the "page" while trying to find the right word) accept? Not deny?...The reality of facts without embracing them as being the only option? What is the difference between fact and Truth?

The Truth I refer to is, of course, JESUS CHRIST. Gravity is a fact but one day TRUTH ascended (Luke 24:51). That wall Is a fact but one day TRUTH walked right through it (John 20:26). TRUTH transcends fact. Do we deny the reality of fact? No. But when TRUTH speaks a WORD that addresses fact, what is to be our response?

Do you remember Yvonne's August 16, 2014 journal entry? That's when Jesus told her that He was giving her a new stomach that was free of pain and ulcers. She was surprised. She had no idea she needed a new stomach. It was Jesus who spoke first and promised a new stomach. That is one of my biggest encouragements. Jesus spoke first. He promised. There are definitely times when I begin to wonder if we have "missed it", or maybe it's just "wishful thinking" concerning what we've heard.

But in times like that, Yvonne and I both come back to all the WORDS that we know we heard. One of those WORDS that I know I heard was when Yvonne and I were praying a few minutes after the Dr had advised us to call the family. We, in prayer, presented the Lord with the two reports: the Drs report and the Lord's report of a new stomach. "Which report is the greatest?", I asked. I immediately heard a firm, emphatic voice say, "My word is truth, my word is law. It will happen."

One thing I must absolutely establish is that at no time do we ever accept a personal prophetic word above or in place of the written Word of God. His Scripture is inerrant and infallible. We do not chase after prophecies or "the voice". Everything must be judged according to Scripture. Our first and primary Voice from God is the written Word of God. In addition, Yvonne and I both appreciate and value highly prophetic ministry. We have no doubt that God still speaks today to His people in many ways.

What would you do with something like that? It agrees with scripture, it agrees with the nature of God, it agrees with everything that we have been hearing as from the Lord in this situation and it grants us the desires of our hearts.

When I look at my life and my experiences and compare them with the Word of God, I see a great discrepancy in many ways. I am not happy with that. In order to close the gap between what I am currently experiencing as a believer and what Scripture teaches and encourages me to rise up and live, I have a choice. Either I pray the Lord to increase my faith, humility and boldness so that I may be more like Him or I can try, even unconsciously, to "dumb down" the Word so that it fits my life experiences. If I rationalize the Word to fit my experience and abilities I can feel better about myself. There is no way that a lover of God wants that to happen.

There is so much that I'd like to say about healing and my journey with the Lord but maybe I've said enough for now. I know that many people have lost a loved one in a terribly disappointing way, even as I have. I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord in such a way as to learn His ways and know His heart. I believe that hearing His Voice is absolutely essential in that relationship.



March 29, 2015

GOD'S GREAT GRACE, PART 2

God’s Great Grace


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 4, 2015

Today, I praise You, Jesus. Your are so good. Thank you for Your protection, Your healing touch. Help me to abide in You, remain in Your loving arms, surrounded by You, connected to You. When I stay there, I can feel Your heartbeat, hear Your voice even if it’s a whisper!

Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 5, 2015

I dreamed that we were in a parking lot and Chalon was in a green Aerostar. I was with her, sitting behind her (she was driving) and someone was sitting beside me. She backed out of the parking lot, then we went down the road. All of a sudden, we came to, like, a canyon and the bridge was gone. We could see across to the other side. I saw part of a wooden bridge just hanging along the canyon (cliff) wall. We didn’t have a chance to  stop.

As we were flying through the air I say, “Roll your windows down”. Chalon and I do so. The other lady says “why”? I said, “So we can get out, once we land in the water.” Then, I began praying in tongues, almost screaming. I’m also quoting parts of Ps. 91.

Now we are in the water. I’m trying to push us away from the rock wall; seems like I’m trying to keep us from going into a cave.

Now the other lady is in a boat and is in the front, in shock and not doing anything. I’m telling her, “Get the paddles, get the paddles!” I look out and see Chalon going under, coming up and going under again. I’m now in the boat and trying to get to her. The boat is filling up with water.

I look up and see a truck driver. (There is a street right there). I’m screaming for help. He sees me, kind of smiles and drives away, refusing to help.

Now I’m talking to a man - from India? -  asking him to help. Somewhere in all of this I see boats like yachts coming into the harbour, they were in the distance. He says to me, “Go to pier 1. Someone will meet you there.”





Yvonne
Journal entry
Fri., February 6, 2015

As I was sitting here this morning with my tea and meditating, I thought that I should re-read the ‘Jesus Calling’ devotional on my Kindle. Then I saw the ’40 Days With Jesus’ devotional and turned to that one. As I did, I heard “40 days and you’ll be better.”

I need to talk to You a bit more about that one Jesus. Oh, how I would love that!

(Next day) Jesus, is that really what I heard? Is this just wishful thinking?


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., February 7, 2015

Mary Jane K. called this week to say that she had had a dream. In the dream she was in a church meeting and they were praying for people. Two people were in wheelchairs at the front. The speaker prayed for the man and he got up out of the wheelchair and walked away.

The woman in the other chair raised her hands and a hand reached down, “out of nowhere”,  and stretched toward her hands. The hand didn’t even touch her but she was healed and got up.

 Mary Jane knew it was me and that I was in the wheelchair because I was weak.

The girls (4 of our daughters. Sarah is in Switzerland with YWAM) arrived on Friday morning. It is so good to have them here! I felt all along we’re getting together to celebrate life! It’s so good to laugh, sing, pray together. Thank you, Jesus, for this time with them!

Psalm 20:1 Jesus, may You answer me, come and rescue me when I’m desperately clinging to the end of my rope. May you, Jesus, Holy Father, be my shelter.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, February 16, 2015
Psalm 20:2-7 (personalized)   You, Jesus, extend hope and help to me. (4) May You grant the dreams of my heart and see my plans through to the end. When I win, I will not be silent! I will sing and shout! I will raise my banners in the great name of God! May  You, Jesus, Eternal One, say ‘yes’ to all my requests! (healing is a big one right now) (6) I don’t need to fear, because help will come from You! Because He has anointed me, heaven will respond to my plea. (7) I put my trust in the name of the Lord God, the True God.
Luke 6:45 - The heart overflows in the words a person speaks; your words reveal what’s within your heart.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 18, 2015
Stephanie (daughter) texted me saying she dreamed that I was dancing. She said, “Your time of dancing is coming! Tell your soul “return to your rest”.

She also gave me Ps. 116:4-9. Vs. 7 says - O my soul! Return and relax. Come to your true rest, for the Eternal has showered you with his favour.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 19, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. I welcome You. I need you! You are my life, my breath. Fill me anew today.

I’ve been really slack on writing. Not sure what’s up, having a hard time sometimes hanging on to joy and remembering Your promises, Jesus. Yet almost every day someone emails, or calls to let me know they are praying. Thank you, Lord. I do feel very loved! Especially Marvin. He has been so good, such a good picture of you, Jesus! June too, she spent all afternoon cooking and baking yesterday! (Yvonne’s sister, June, came up from Pennsylvania for 10 days. What a blessing!)


______

(Marvin)
Lately, the biggest challenge for Yvonne has been a decreasing level of energy. Although there have been some encouraging signs such as a slow increase in food intake (very slow) and even a 2 pound weight gain 2 weeks in a row, (!) there has been a significant loss of energy. It is a chore for her to get out of the tub after a hot bath; I usually have to help her stand up. She has to push on her knees when she goes up steps, resting after 4 or 5 steps. She is out of breath if she coughs a few times, which is happening often lately as well. A nagging, dry cough has developed that takes much energy from her. There obviously is an increasing problem. How’s that for an understatement?

And yet….! As she lay in bed on the 27th, she saw a door in her mind, a vision perhaps? It was a “Door of Hope” and she drew it in her journal the next day. The door opened, somehow, and some hope came through it. As the door opened wider, the hope that came through increased, it grew larger, there was more of it. The phrase that she thought of was “…hope does not disappoint us.” (Rom. 5:5, NIV).

She also woke up, again, at 3:33. A corresponding scripture reference is Jer. 33:3 - “Call to me and I will answer you. I will tell you of great things, things beyond what you can imagine, things you could never have known.” Another passage is Ps. 33:3 - “Sing to Him a new song; play each the best way you can, and don’t be afraid to be bold with your joyful feelings.” We find it amazing how He speaks even through digital clocks!

_____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Come, sing unto the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously. Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me again to overflowing today. Thank you for always being here, living in me, being my comforter, my friend. Open my eyes today to see even the small things You are doing.

The days get long as everything seems to take so much energy which I don’t seem to have. Eating also is a chore. Strengthen me today, help me to be joyful and thankful to focus on You! I pray for continued healing, believing that He who began a good work in me will complete it. Help my body to absorb the nutrients it needs from the food I eat.

My word for today: HOPE.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Church was great! Sue Keddy was the speaker for the ladies retreat. At the end, a lot of women went up front for the last song; the Lord’s presence was strong. I stayed at our bench. Mary Jane K. came over to pray for me; actually quite a few people came over and prayed and encouraged. me.

While MJ was praying she patted my stomach, rather vigorously and prayed with “feeling”! Then she kept saying over and over, “it has begun, it has begun, it has begun!” I felt something change in my stomach. I can’t say what it was, but something is happening. I’m clinging to that! He who began a good work in me will complete it! I also keep thinking of the verse, “I will not die but LIVE!!” Let FAITH arise!

“Stop, wait, watch and be amazed at what I’m going to do! How it will come about you wouldn’t believe even if you were told.” Habbakuk 1:5

(Sue’s message was basically that the Lord says to (1) trust my Word, (2) trust my ways, (3) trust my timing. I think the hardest for us is to trust His timing.)


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., March 4, 2015
March fourth! March “forth!” “March on, my soul, with courage!” (Judges 5:21)


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Jer. 30:17 - For I will make you well again and heal your wounds.

I woke up at 12:34 and it  seemed so clear: everything is in order, in line. 1,2,3,4! Yay, God! Continue to give me wisdom and understanding. Holy Spirit. I want to walk with you each step of the way.

Thank you for healing me.

Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, March 9, 2015
I woke up again at 12:34.

Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. What a beautiful morning, fresh wet snow covering all the trees, clinging to them. Though my sins are red and scarlet, You, Jesus, washed them white as snow.

Early this morning I dreamed that I was in hospital, taken to the labour/delivery room. I was in labour and I knew I had already had 5 children. The room was a ward with at least 5 beds (close together) in it. I was in the corner bed. They had brought me a meal and I put it on the table beside my bed. Marvin was in the building but not there in the room at the moment.

As I was going into this room, it seems as though I knew and the nurses knew that I had lost a baby the previous year….

When I woke up I had a sense of excitement, an anticipation of what I’m birthing. I also thought that the death was the cancer…


(Marvin) The Lord also gave her Isaiah 12 which also was very encouraging.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, March 13, 2015
Is. 52:12 - Go in confidence and grace - no rushing, no frantic escape. There’s no need to be anxious - the Eternal One goes before and behind you. The God of Israel paves the way with assurance and strength. He watches your back.

I’m dancing in the rain of Your glory, Father! Dancing with my Father God in the house of praise! (John 11:4) This sickness will not end in death but for Your glory, God!!! I speak life to my body, I speak life to my spirit and soul.

_____


(Marvin)

Remember the entry on Friday, February 6? The 40 days from then lands on next Tuesday, the 17th. We plan on having the elders from New Life Assembly in Sioux Lookout pray for Yvonne during church tomorrow which is actually 38 days from the 6th. We anticipate seeing very soon a touch of the Lord on Yvonne, we pray tomorrow! If you see this in time, would you join us?

Thank you so much for your prayers. Almost every day we receive word from someone that they are praying, thinking about her. Thank you.

HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!

little cabin in the woods

God's Great Grace

God’s Great Grace
My Walk Through the Wilderness

I (Marvin) have been wanting to write down what Yvonne and I have been going through and experiencing during the last 10 months or so. As we look back we can see how the Lord has been so faithful, even joyful, as He speaks to us and leads us through one thing at a time, day by day.

We are very aware that we have been sporadic with our communication with those who know us and pray for us. Some of you  may not even know about the health problems that Yvonne has been experiencing for quite a while now. We sincerely apologize for our  sometimes flawed reasoning and choices in who to confide in and when. Part of our hesitation is simply because we wanted to give a full picture of what is happening and we only recently have been given that by the surgeon. Certainly some of you didn’t even know that a surgeon has been involved!

One of the difficulties in writing something like this is the painful fact that there have been so many people who have loved ones who have experienced very similar circumstances. It is our goal that the Lord Jesus be honoured by our testimony of His gracious interaction with us. This is our story and we simply want to update our family and friends of what Yvonne in particular has been going through, regardless of the outcome.

As I write this, I am very aware that some of the things that we have experienced may be very new to some of the readers of this. Some of this may be rejected by you and other things will simply raise a lot of questions about how the Lord interacts with His people. I do not say that we have heard accurately or truthfully each time we say “the Lord said”. This is our effort to communicate to you what we have been going through and how we have chosen to deal with what we find before us. We have seen that, even during the times that we have “missed it” so to speak, the Lord continues on and corrects us or our conclusions without scolding or punishing us. He loves our desire to know Him and His ways and wants to show us His true nature and heart. He loves our enthusiasm even when it may be misguided.

I also appreciate Yvonne’s willingness to share in this way. Some of this is very personal and reveals her human frailty. It also shows  her love for Jesus and a growing trust in Him and His word; truly He is one and the same. Jesus is her strength.

We have been given the doctors report; now we share that and the Lords report. They are not the same! Our goal is to testify to His AMAZING GRACE.

Yvonne
Journal entry
 Aug. 16, 2014.
“Jesus, do you have a gift for me today?” she asked the Lord.

Is. 52:12, (Voice translation) Go in confidence and grace - no rushing, no frantic escape. There’s no need to be anxious - the Eternal One goes before and behind you. The God of Israel paves the way with assurance and strength. He watches your back.

“I am here, I am now, I care about you more than you know,” Jesus answers.

“Jesus, thanks for meeting with me this morning. I love being with you.”

Jesus, with a sparkle in His eye, replies, “I love being with you also my princess.”

“Jesus, do you have a gift for me?”

“Yes, I do. Today I’m giving you a new stomach, free of pain, ulcers. I know, my child, that seems like an unusual gift but I have seen your pain and discomfort, so I bring you healing.”

“Wow Jesus, I so need that. Thank you. You know the perfect gift for me. Why are you giving this to me, Jesus? It kind of seems strange.”

“Because I love you! You have been faithful in small things. Now I will give you more.”

____

(Marvin)
At the time, Yvonne was definitely puzzled by the gift that the Lord was giving her. Now, as we look back through her journal, we saw that she was making comments about an upset stomach, feeling “yucky”, even throwing up a couple of times after eating all the way back to March. Now we understand much better what was going on and why the Lord said what He did.

Our awareness that the Lord was “up to something” (as if He isn’t always!) began back in mid - May. One day, Yvonne felt the Lord asked her to do a 40 day fast from  caffeine and sugar. He told her that if she would do this we would see people set free from addictions like never before as we minister. She realized that if she started the fast at that time then she would be fasting over our holiday trip to the states and she didn’t really want to fast at that time. She asked the Lord if she could wait until we returned from our trip and the Lord said she could.

She began her fast on July 15. On July 20, she wrote, “not sure what’s with my stomach. Last night I threw up my supper. Yuck.” It was soon after that when the pain started. By mid-August the pain was often pretty intense but it came and went. She or both of us would pray and the pain would leave or subside to just an ache. Often she would have days where her stomach would feel fine and she rejoiced. Sometimes the pain would be in another place in her abdomen. Sometimes Tylenol would help but not always. Many times she would think about when Jesus said that He was giving her a new stomach. Where was it? What did He mean?
____

Yvonne
Journal entry
July 23, 2014
“Jesus, do you love me? How much?”

“Yes, I love you, my child. To the moon and back and so much more.”

We are walking along the beach with the waves lapping at our feet.

“My love is like these waves; they never stop. Sometimes they come strong, big, huge, violent. Sometimes they are calmer but they always are there; so is my love.”

I hear a song, “Your love washes over me.”

Now I am sitting in a chair and a big wave covers me… Jesus looks at me, “My love is always covering you.” I see a sparkle in His eyes as the wave caught Him too. He is shaking His head, laughing. Once again my hand is in His and we are walking (dancing) down the beach.

He is my  Beloved and I am His!!!


Yvonne
Journal entry
August 15, 2014
“Show me my heart, Jesus.”

I see a picture of a river. A river with lots of rocks. Yet, there are beautiful falls with the water cascading, rushing, pounding over them, smoothing the rocks. Now the river is  calm, glasslike, reflecting the trees, the sky above.

Now I’m along the banks. This part has sand where you can wade out until you can swim. That is where I want to be, swimming with Papa God; allowing Him in every part of my heart.

Some places are still stagnant; yuck, I even saw a snake. “Jesus, please take all the snakes out.” I see Jesus grab it and swing it around and around overhead, then throw it….it’s dead.

There are lots of tributaries; some from where I’ve been, some where I don’t want to go. Some of them I don’t remember. Jesus will go with me. As long as I go hand in hand with Him I won’t be afraid because His love for me is perfect!

“Jesus, I want to always flow with Holy Spirit washing, cleansing me, purifying me.”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. I need your comfort today. I am having a hard time hanging on to my healing. Yesterday I continually felt worse as the day went on. Forgive me Jesus. I do believe You are my healer, yet I struggle with it because I don’t feel well.

Every organ and tissue of my body functions in the perfection that God created it to function. I forbid any malfunction in my body, in Jesus’ name. By your stripes, Jesus, I’m healed! (1 Peter 2:24) Thank you, Jesus! The words of Jesus are SPIRIT AND LIFE! (John 6:63)

Psalm 103:2,3,5: O my soul, come, praise the Eternal; sing a song from a grateful heart; sing and never forget all the good He has done. Despite all your many offences, He forgives and releases you. More than any doctor, He heals your diseases. 5: When your soul is famished and withering, He fills you with good and beautiful things, satisfying you as long as you live. He makes you strong like an eagle, restoring your youth.

Jesus, I plead, I ask, I need Your healing touch. I don’t think I can go on like this. Please touch me, I beg You, I come to You. You, Jesus, died so I can be forgiven and healed. Please have mercy on me, my Saviour, my God! If you were here in person I know I could touch You and be healed! You healed all who came to You. I need Your touch Jesus. Why does it feel like you are silent? What am I missing? What do You need from me? Jesus?

I come to You. I praise You. You created our bodies to heal themselves…. All I need is You! I praise Your holy name. You heal all my diseases.
____

(Marvin)
Why didn’t we go to the doctor? This isn’t a question or cry of desperation or guilt. In any situation we usually can see that the Lord is working and moving in numerous ways and in more than one person and addressing more than one issue. (He is the ultimate multi-tasker). We are seeing the Lord move in us and change us in different ways. He is highlighting misconceptions in us about healing. He is revealing in me (Marvin) attitudes of pride against doctors and the medical profession in general. He is penetrating deeper into us and lovingly revealing different issues that must be corrected before we can be drawn deeper into Him. We want that more accurate relationship with Him so that we can more accurately re-present Him to others. It is clear to us that He is much more concerned with our personal holiness than He is with our work that we do in His name.

____



Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., August 27, 2014
“What in me causes You grief? What causes You sorrow, Lord? Please show me.”

We are sitting on rocks in the river. Jesus is splashing, playing, delighted that I’m there. He grabs my hand again; we sit down. “Jesus”, I say, “I have such a hard time finding You, seeing Your face…”

“What about me causes You sorrow or grief?”

“It grieves me that you see your lack of healing as something you’ve done wrong; that you think you’re not being healed because of your lack of doing things or eating right.”

“Yes Lord, that is how I feel, I feel like I need to press into You more.”
“My child, just accept my healing. I do feel your pain, you are almost there. Don’t give up now!”

“Okay, Jesus, but I really need Your help. I cannot hang in there alone!”

“Remember what you just read this morning. I will not abandon you!!!! Believe it, my daughter!”

“Yes, I believe Your word is truth. Would you touch my stomach Jesus, and bring healing?”

“Yes, my child.”

Jesus is holding me in His arms.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, Sept. 5, 2014
It’s been an up and down week for me. I felt so much better Sunday and yesterday I felt pretty good too. I’m still declaring the Lord’s healing; sometimes it is a lot easier than others. Today I’ve not felt good most of the day. I laid down for a while; doesn’t seem to help. I ate an ice cream cone (part of one) yesterday; don’t know if that’s why I feel worse today. Jesus, I am still trusting You for complete healing, 100 0/0! By Your stripes I am healed!

Louise (Chisel) made a doctors appointment for me on the 22nd.

“Does that disqualify me for healing by You, Jesus?”

“No, I use doctors and I also bring healing through different spiritual roots that need to be dealt with. In other words, what is spiritual I will deal with or show you what needs to be taken care of. What is really physical you may see a doctor for. Their wisdom comes from me. I am so happy that you run to me first. I don’t love you any less, my daughter, because you have a doctors appointment.”

“Keep hanging in there, holding on to me.  I am with you in this all the way. I know it doesn’t feel like it but I am. You can do it!! The victory is mine! Looking back you will say, “So that’s why it took so long….!”

I’m holding on to You, Jesus
I won’t ever let go!
You are the light for my path
You have my heart!
In You all things are made new
Praise You, precious Jesus
My Lord, My King, My Healer
____

(Marvin)
I am seeing those deep, either ignored or unaware of, issues of pride or…something that must be dealt with. I am not unaware of the tremendous good that the medical profession does everyday. I have loved ones that work there. I have loved ones who have benefited greatly from medical care including my mother, my father, my wife during childbirth, my daughters during childbirth, my grandchildren in the ICU, and on I could go. I stood by the hospital bed of a good friend as he was dying and was very aware of the care he desperately needed and was given that was so far beyond what anyone else could have given.

I have seen the compassion of Jesus demonstrated by the people in the medical profession, even by those who don’t believe in Jesus. Why is the Lord dealing with me in this personal situation that my wife is in? Why are these attitudes in me? Is it because I personally have never really been in need of medical help? If it was me in that situation….?

I have also seen and marvelled at the mercy and grace of God freely given to people as I personally laid hands on them and prayed healing for their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. I so want that to increase through me and all members in the body of Christ. If the compassion of Christ is in a person who believes in Jesus then lets release it in prayer for the needy!

But what is the Lord’s way? How will He handle this specific situation? Are His ways different from mine? Of course; and I’m glad! But in what ways?  And He is changing me. May I receive these changes humbly, for His glory, that I may represent Him well as I walk in Love.

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, Sept. 25, 2014
I have been having some trouble swallowing the past week or so…. Tuesday night at supper it was so bad… Marvin right away prayed and commanded a spirit of fear to leave. Tuesday morning we spent time praying, getting rid of a spirit of fear from me. Marvin said that when I came out of the doctors office, he saw such a spirit of fear all over me; he knew Holy Spirit showed it to him. He kept asking me what’s wrong and I said “nothing.” Anyway, we prayed about it. Then with this episode I had Tuesday evening at supper…I don’t know how to describe it. I can feel food going all the way down my esophagus, almost like air is trying to go up at the same time, very painful and not like a sore throat at all. There are all kind of noises (like my stomach is growling but in my esophagus) and almost like I’m choking. Tuesday evening I threw up a bit, then I was ok. Marvin began praying right away also.

Yesterday morning, same thing. Yesterday supper, same thing. I just stopped eating for awhile as I prayed peace and later finished my salad. As we prayed about that I heard “constriction”. Oh, on Monday I felt as though the spirit of fear had been given a foothold  (in me) when the cord was around my neck while I was being born. Marvin heard, as from the Lord) that we should break off the spirit of fear going back 3 generations and so we did.

Ps. 34:4 (Voice) - Take great joy in the Eternal! His gifts are coming, and they are all your heart desires.
____

(Marvin)
As we go through this day by day, there are many times that the Lord will show us or speak to us concerning something in us that needs to be removed or changed. Sometimes He speaks through Scripture. Sometimes through a vision while praying or a dream at night. Sometimes we listen to a message from the Word by a person and we know; there is something here we need to ask the Lord about. He is so faithful; He sees every part of our lives and brings divine order.

____

Yvonne
Journal entry
Oct. 2, 2014
On Thursday and Friday Marvin prayed with me and spoke to my spirit, encouraging me. We feel this is a spirit of fear attacking me. It keeps moving around from my stomach, hemorrhoids and now my swallowing. In Jesus we are victorious! I am covered by the blood of the Lamb! Jesus, You died so that I am healed!

Thursday when he prayed I saw like a “snake” in my throat and I, in a prophetic action reached up and pulled it out.

Yesterday we prayed again. This time I saw lots of files (like in a filing cabinet). They were “all in order”, it seems Jesus is saying.
____

(Marvin)
All through this time we have been ministering to the people who have been coming to the Centre. This has been difficult for Yvonne as well. She does the cooking as well as being in the teaching/counselling sessions as she takes notes and provides a prayer covering as Maurice and I talk to the people. The couple that arrived on Oct. 28. They were the last of the scheduled guests. The same weekend Yvonne had cooked for and helped host a ladies retreat here at the Centre. It was a rough time for her concerning her difficulty finding what she could eat, coughing and spitting up phlegm, and sometimes vomiting.
____


Yvonne
Journal entry
October 28, 2014
On Sunday we stayed home from church (in Sioux Lookout, 1 hour away). I washed all the sheets, which is a good thing I did because we found out that “C and B” were coming for ministry. How did that happen? My first response was anger. We had wanted to go to a conference in Winnipeg if we had an opening in our schedule and the scheduled guests had cancelled. But now C and B are here so now what? We do want to see Holy Spirit break through in their lives.

Holy Spirit, hover over this place. Keep our hearts pure. We need You to break through. We don’t have a clue what needs to be done. What we’ve done in the past doesn’t seem to work for C and B. Their hearts are so wounded, so hurt, but thanks be to God He can soften, create a hunger…..Show us the way! Jesus! Hover over this place, we need You. Oh, how very much we need You!

Yesterday, we finally prayed about the dream Marvin had about seeing a little girl in a room (which he believes was me) and then seeing the word NECROMANCY (in the dream). (Necromancy means communicating with the dead through divination.) So I renounced and repented for me and my ancestors back 3 generations, breaking that off my family line. (We felt this is a familiar spirit). We also applied the blood of Jesus back 3 generations and forward so that our kids, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and so on would not be under this spirit. It had to go in Jesus’ name! Thank you Jesus for Your blood that covers our sins. Thank you for LIFE.

I speak Life to my spirit and health and blessing. Thank you, Jesus. I love You so much! You are good all the time!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2014
C and B both came to the Lord! Praise the Lord! Holy Spirit, protect them from the enemy as they go back (home). They both experienced a major breakthrough in their lives and were able to begin walking with the Lord!

We took C and B to Five Mile Corner for them to catch their ride  and then went on to Dryden. What an emotionally exhausting 10 days! Thank you, Holy Spirit for Your comfort and leading.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Nov. 14, 2014
I saw the Dr. this morning and am scheduled for a gastroscopy and a colonoscopy Monday morning.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., November 15, 2014
Had a rough day today; ended up throwing up breakfast and supper. I did keep lunch (a salad) down. Mostly I throw up big hunks of phlegm… In the evening I had a hard time even keeping water down. I choked up beans from Friday evening that were apparently stuck in my throat for 24 hours.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, Tuesday, November 17,18, 2014
I have lots of questions, but definitely have a peace. Jesus, you are in control. I surrender to Your design. I’ve been playing (the song by) Need To Breathe, “Multiplied”, over and over.

After drinking 4 litres of “yuck”…. on Sunday night. So thankful I was at home to do this and not in some hotel room or someones house:). Monday we went in for the colonoscopy and gastroscopy. The procedures took longer than planned. Dr. couldn’t get the scope down all the way to my stomach; my esophagus was swollen and narrowed. She said my esophagus should be around 3 cm in diameter but the scope, which is 1 cm or so, couldn’t get through to take a look at my stomach.

As I was “going under” I kept saying the verse “The Lord is my light and my salvation, who (or what!) shall I fear!”

After the gastroscopy they did the colonoscopy which didn’t go so well either. A section of my colon was “thick” (the wall). Then, at the end of my colon the scope grazed and lacerated my colon where there was a large polyp. She did remove some of that and left a smaller polyp there. She said that all 3 of those things could be cancerous. I had so much gas pain while coming out of surgery. Almost unbearable!

I went  back on Tuesday for a barium swallow; that was awful. The stuff felt like I was drinking cement, laid in my stomach also…. I could see my esophagus on the X-ray tv and I could definitely see a narrowing of my esophagus. I also went for a CT scan; definitely the easiest…  although after I drank the 2 glasses of water with the dye in it and had diarrhea, I was glad for the hour I had before I had to go in for the actual scan.

So my emotions have been all over the place! I have felt the Lords peace throughout the whole ordeal. I am/was so disappointed. I thought they would just find a polyp and be done with it. Not sure why all this but Jesus I’m so thankful that I have You to walk through this with me. Marvin also is a huge blessing. We did pray before the procedure, making sure my spirit was covered while I was “under”.




Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, November 21,2014
 I’ve had diarrhea ever since the barium swallow along with lots of gas.

Oh Lord, I will praise You. Forever and ever You are God.

The Lord is taking us through a process. He shows us the problems, keeps us informed so we can either pray and act or simply stand and watch as we wait. That’s what we keep hearing, “stand and wait.” Soon we’ll hear, now do “this.”

We have, or I should say, Marvin has been anointing me with peppermint and lemon oil each evening and praying for healing… I still have diarrhea but am swallowing much better. Jesus is my healer! Jesus, I don’t understand why this has been such a long process. If there are still things in me that I need to deal with, show me.

We continue to learn more about our bodies and how essential oils work. We feel that, for me all my emotions from the past, mostly from a very traumatic childhood, seemed to be stored in my digestive system. I’ve always struggled with motion sickness and stomach related issues (even from early childhood).

As we were praying this morning, the Lord/Holy Spirit showed me these thoughts…”I don’t measure up”, “I’m a disappointment”, and “I have to please everyone.” As I prayed about these Jesus showed me a picture of Him (He had a long, white robe on) just dancing around with unrestrained joy! I felt His presence in a powerful way! I knew, know, He will never let me go. Even though Mom and Dad forsook me (didn’t value me in many ways) Jesus will never forsake me. I can dance with Jesus whenever I want!

____


(Marvin)
Yvonne mentioned how her emotions have been stored in her digestive system. This is something that we have been interested in for some years now; how our emotions affect us and the necessity of not carrying negative emotions with us. This is something that we have heard people disagree with, even vehemently. Many people do not see the connection between our emotions, (our mental and emotional health) and our physical health.

For just a bit of background or foundation for this, Scripture says in Hebrews 12: 14,15 for us to “pursue peace” and that a “ root of bitterness” will cause trouble and “defile many”. The medical community says that 80 percent of the people in the hospital are there because of anger or anger related issues. Our emotional health is so critical to our physical health and quality of life.

One article I read says that Harvard researchers link chronic stress to many diseases such as inflammatory bowel disease, irritable bowel syndrome, food allergies, peptic ulcers and the list of gastrointestinal diseases and other diseases goes on.

The stress and fear she endured was terrible and the effect on her digestive system was traumatic. As a child she endured upset stomachs and diarrhea (especially while traveling in a car). This continued all through her childhood and for several years even into our marriage. She usually couldn’t travel while in the back seat without getting sick in her stomach. Through her memories, she has linked this to her early childhood.

Please believe me when I assure you that I in no way am trying to point the finger or blame anyone. As unique individuals, we each respond to stressors differently and to varying degrees. What she is experiencing at this time will be redeemed by our God and as we have heard from Him, we believe and have no doubt that He is bringing her to compete healing.

What we desire to testify to is the amazing Grace of our God. He is Jehovah Rapha, our healer. Whatever we face in our life, He is more than able to redeem it while not allowing us to be snatched from His hand.

One of the amazing and encouraging experiences that we have lived over the years that we have been seeking His healing is just that, the healing of our souls; our mind, will and emotions. We can testify to His saving Grace in our relationships as well. There has been a glorious reconciliation of relationships as well as forgiveness and peace. The problem has been the unresolved negative emotions that were buried and forgotten. Unfortunately, they still had effect that is now being seen.

What we have concluded about all this is just that, our conclusions that we feel that the Lord has shown us. I’m honestly not sure what the medical community would say but the bit of reading I have done does not acknowledge the spiritual aspect of humanity but it does, of course, acknowledge the mind, will, emotions and body.

Again, please let me repeat: we harbour no ill feelings to anyone. We have forgiven what we know and the Lord is showing us that there are some unresolved issues that He Himself is dealing with. As He told Yvonne one day, “I’m going deep; I’m going to get it all!”  !!!!!!

 PLEASE KEEP READING!

One of the symptoms that Yvonne feels is weight loss. She is down to 130 lbs now and has lost around 35 lbs but I’m not going to say what she weighed when she started losing!

The main treatments that we have been doing at home have been prayer, of course, but also using essential oils along with prayer. Essential oils have healing properties as the Lord gave them during creation. There have been many testimonies of healing given as a result of prayer and anointing/massaging with these oils. (Google them if you’d like).

We also have been doing hydro-therapy at the suggestion of a naturopathic doctor. This involves the use of alternating hot and cold compresses on the problem area. She also has been taking natural vitamins and supplements to help with her nutrition which has been very deficient because of her inability to eat.
____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, Nov. 30, 2014
As Marvin was praying, anointing me with peppermint and lemon oil, I heard Jesus say “I receive you.” I was thinking about the fact that tomorrow we will hear what the Dr. says (about the tests and biopsies) but what does Jesus have to say? I don’t hear it’s this or that but I continually hear, “Be still, I am with You, I have good plans. I am right here walking with you.”

Thanks, Lord. I can’t do it alone nor do I want to. Thanks for giving me Marvin, flesh and blood, to walk with me.” (Psalms 20).

Thank you Jesus for loving me, for going before me. Whatever the results are today, I will praise you Jesus.. You know beforehand how this is going to play out. I trust You completely. You are a good God! I can climb in Your lap anytime; You will hold me. Thanks. May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven! There is no sickness, disease in heaven!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., December 3, 2014
We met with Dr. on Monday. All the biopsies came back benign! Praise Jesus! The barium swallow showed that I am swallowing normally although my esophagus is spasming/constricting. I am not aspirating anything into my lungs. The CT scan showed I do have an ulcer. I also have fluid (excess) in my abdominal cavity and they don’t know what is causing that. She spoke to the other surgeon there and they recommended that they do an ultrasound to determine the best way to withdraw some of the fluid which they did and sent it off to be tested. Dr. also said my stomach wall is thickened, as is my esophagus and a third of my colon. She still is not ruling out cancer.

Jesus, I give this all to You. I am swallowing so much better. I still have lots of gas, quite painful at times. If I get up and walk around, I feel better. Last night I didn’t sleep well at all; ended up getting up at 2 a.m. and lying on the couch. I had a low grade fever and slight headache. My whole ‘trunk’ area feels so tender.

Marvin continues to massage me with peppermint and lemon oil and pray each night. Last 2 nights I heard Jesus say “I receive You.”:) Jesus, I’m here again asking for Your healing touch… Last night was rough, hard to stay focused on You! I did pee a lot last night; I must have gotten up 4 or 5 times which is unusual but it felt better. I was chilled last night yet my body was hot. Marvin put some Thieves oil on my feet. Also, while out in the living room I put lavender oil in the infuser. I did sleep 2 hours without waking up.

I need You Jesus, thank You that I can trust You! Lord, I really need to bake today (for the FNRC bake sale). I need strength and energy. You will keep me in perfect peace because my mind is stayed on You.

____

(Marvin)
This is in the middle of some Yvonne’s roughest days. She many times would be bent over in pain from gas, crying out to the Lord for relief. She said that, yes it’s been 21 years since she gave birth and maybe she has forgotten it somewhat, but she thinks the pain from the gas and whatever was happening would rival the pain of childbirth.

I know that what she experienced is not as excruciating as what many people have experienced in other situations. I am aware that the length of time that she has been in this is not nearly so long as what many others have endured. Even so, it is very difficult to stand and watch and not be able to do much at all for her. I have never seen her in so much pain. I think too that this was worse than what I observed her enduring through childbirth.

All through this Yvonne has had a wonderful attitude and outlook. She did have some moments of a need to be reassured that the Lord has heard our prayers, He does know her pain, He still joys over her even when she has tears of uncertainty. However, in the middle of all that she has not lost her smile. She still laughs, she still prays for her children, her grandchildren, her husband. She is not focused on herself and continually declares her love and faith in her Healer, Lord Jesus. She has never given up on the scriptures that declare her salvation from sickness.

Many times she would be in pain or in quiet times of anointing with oil and hydro-therapy and I would hear her quietly praying in the spirit, quoting scriptures or simply praying to her Lord. Many times this would bring me to tears and renewed thankfulness to be her husband. My love and admiration for her has definitely intensified.

We planned to go to Oregon for Christmas and were hoping to hear the results of the tests before we went. The Dr. was unsure of whether Yvonne should go or not. The test results were sent on to Toronto from the lab in Kenora because Kenora was unable to reach a diagnosis. So we ended up going to Oregon without any diagnosis.
____

Then, on Sat., December 6,

Yvonne
Journal entry
Each evening Marvin continues to anoint me with oil and pray over me. One evening this week as he was doing this, I sensed, felt, Jesus massaging my back. Although, If it’s You, Jesus, why aren’t I completely healed? Marvin reminded me that sometimes it just takes time. I’m like, it’t been 4 months, isn’t that long enough? I know, Jesus, that You are always good! I’m counting on that. I also thank You that You have never left me alone:). You have taken every tear and gathered them in a bottle; when that bottle is full You will tip it over, and my healing will come! Continue to anoint me with your oils of joy. Give me a spirit of PRAISE for this heaviness. I will praise You. Forever I will praise You!!!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Dec. 8, 2014
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me today. I love You, thank You for teaching, comforting, even interceding on my behalf.

I went up for prayer at church yesterday. Pastor Phil anointed me and prayed. He prayed that my complete digestive tract would come into alignment. I believe he prayed against fear and that it would be turned to faith. Also, that I am not off to the side, in the backseat. The Lord is bringing me into my rightful place in ministry, into who I am in ministry. Something is out of kilter and the Lord is restoring me. He kept hearing “honour”, restoring honour.

I get the sense that I’ve been going downhill and that after yesterday I’m at the bottom and things are taking a turn and I’m gonna start going up the hill:).

Lord Jesus, I keep praying circles around Your promise of a new stomach. You said it and I believe it! Thank you, Jesus!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Dec. 31, 2014
Good morning Holy Spirit. Come, come fill me today. Today I choose to open my spirit to You!

Yesterday, Marvin anointed me with hyssop and cedar wood oil on my right ear, right thumb and my right toe. As he did, not sure what all he was praying for, I saw a beautiful picture of a path, going on like forever:) with soft lights lighting it…I can still see it, it was beautiful; I wish I could paint it:)




Yvonne
Journal entry
Jan. 1, 2015
Happy New Year, what will this year bring? Healing and health is what I need right now. I was up at 12:30 or so with incredible back pain on the left side. I slept on the couch a couple of hours. Went back to bed, woke up again at 3:33 (Jer.) I call out to You, Jesus. Oh how I need Your healing touch; the pain is almost unbearable at times. Please, Lord Jesus, come touch my body. You said that when I call You will answer and You will show me GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS which I do not know…come Holy Spirit, come. I give you this day, this year. Take all of me, Jesus.

I come to You. I take Your hand; I dance with You! I Dance with You, Jesus. What an honour! What a privilege! I love You! Forever I will follow You! I give my all to You. Forgive my unbelief, help me to believe! Help me to pursue You, Jesus, with PASSION!Jesus, I get so caught up in the way I feel, in the pain and discomfort that I forget to praise You. Forgive me. May Your Kingdom come, Your will be done here on earth (today) as it is in heaven.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Jan.2, 2015
I will praise You! My Jesus! Help me to stay focused…The pain in my back has been overwhelming. In spite of that Jesus…I need help staying focused on You and not on the pain.

We didn’t sleep in the bed last night. Marvin wanted to stay with me and so he slept most of the night in the recliner. I couldn’t lie down in bed without intense pain in my left lower back…thinking it is my kidneys. I went from the couch to the recliner and sometimes just walking around till the pain subsides. Jesus, I speak that You are my healer. You said You would give me a new stomach, free of ulcers and pain. I thank You for that. I’m asking, I’m believing that!

We were praying this morning, asking about the pain. Marvin heard that there is a “spirit of bulimia.” We both felt like it began with me so I confessed and renounced it. Marvin had also seen a large dark figure. We also heard, “it’s gone, the spirit of bulimia.”

I weighed myself again: 118 lbs. I lost 2.9 lbs. since Sunday.

____

(Marvin)
After the last biopsy results came back, Dr. said she needed to take some more because she was certain she could give the lab bigger and better quality samples. Yvonne was scheduled to redo the gastroscopy and also do a laparoscopy in order to look at the outside of the stomach and view the abdominal cavity to possibly see the source of the fluid in the cavity. So, we went in to have them done.

One of the ways of God is His “suddenlys”. Things are happening, or not, and then, all of a sudden, He does something, something happens. !!!

____




Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, January 5, 2015
So I had the 2 procedures this morning. Dr. got down to my stomach this time(PRAISE JESUS!) She also did a laparoscopy. Both the inside and outside of my stomach has like a white growth on it. Both inside and out is bumpy when it should be smooth. The inside also had dried blood. (Seems like the herbs are helping?)

Dr. said her gut feeling is that it is stage 4 cancer. She said she took lots of biopsies and sent them as critical analysis so we really don’t know anything until we meet with Dr. again on the 21st. Hopefully sooner:).

(We were at home, sitting in the double recliner, praying…)

We were praying, asking Jesus what happened with the pain in my back…it’s almost gone…!

I didn’t really get an answer. I just began to see like a carousel going round and round. At first everything on the carousel was blurry; then I began to see the night sky with stars. It was clear and then as it turned it went to cloudy skies and then back to stars…. As I looked, I began to cry. I asked, under Marvin’s direction, “how old is the little girl who is crying?” I said, “6 or 7.” Then I asked, “Why is the little girl crying?” “Because she never got on the carousel, never got a party or had fun.” But not literally because I did have fun at times. I was crying.

I asked Jesus what would He give me in exchange for all my pain. Jesus said, “I’ll give you joy and   ? . Then I asked Jesus another question which I don’t remember but as an answer I did see a picture of Jesus dancing with joy with me.

I definitely sensed Holy Spirit all over me as we were praying. Then, I saw blue, a beautiful dark blue. (In front of me.) Then, a light came up behind it (was shining through it.) I can’t really describe it in words. I saw an angel; well, I should say I sensed His presence, I knew He was there. I was crying as I said, “It’s an angel!” Marvin asked, “Holy angel, are you a healing angel?” I answered, “Yes, he is!” Marvin asked, “What is he doing?” I said, “He’s hugging me!”

Then I asked Jesus, as I cried, “Jesus, why is it taking so long?” He said, “Because I’m going deep, I’m going to get it all.”

Praise You, Jesus! I love You, Lord. You are a good God, You will work everything out for good! You are my strength, Jesus. You are my ALL IN ALL. Without You I can do nothing. I love You!! Lord Jesus!

I forgot to say that before I went into surgery, I asked Jesus where He was right now. He said, “I’m right here.” I could sense He was right there sitting on the end of the bed. He said to me, “I will be right here, I won’t leave you. I will guide the Dr.’s hands even though she doesn’t know it.”

After I came out of surgery, Marvin asked me “where is Jesus?” I said, “He’s right here.” (I was a little under the influence.) He asked me that a couple of times and I always replied the same way, “He’s here.”

While I was in the OR Marvin asked the Lord a couple of times, “what are we supposed to do?” Jesus said, “Keep following me.”

We Skyped Sarah and she asked the YWAM DTS team to pray for me and the next day one of the guys came up to her and said, “Hey Sarah, about your mom, remember, God is good all the time.” Sarah said, “that’s what mom always says!”

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME, AND ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., January 14, 2015
We went in to meet with Dr. this afternoon….I don’t know anything more really; the abdominal wall biopsy shows kind of the same thing: “atypical cells of unknown origin.” They are sending them to Toronto for further testing. Inside my stomach one biopsy came back that they think could be cancer but they didn’t say it was (Dr. is sure it is). I’m not accepting that…I do know, no matter what it is, God can and will heal!!!

So Dr. wants to do another gastroscopy tomorrow. We spent a bit of time tonight worshipping and praying; declaring healing to my stomach and the whole digestive system. I felt my faith rise. It would be great if she goes in with the scope and I’m healed. Oh Jesus, I know You can! Help me to believe and not doubt. You said if 2 or more agree, we can ask anything in Your name and You will do it. So we did just that in Your name, Jesus, the Name above all names. We ask for a new stomach, healing for my whole digestive system. Thank you. After we prayed, I felt my faith rise. Marvin heard, “go in tomorrow and you will see.”



Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., January 15, 2014
Praise You, Jesus, for another day! We are waiting to call the hospital to see when we should go in…I feel no pain this morning, thank you Jesus… I take Your hand, holding tight. Thanks for going with me!

I thought of Is. 55:9 and turned in my Bible right to it. “My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you, just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth.” We left here at 11:00. that was nice, not having to wait in there. We were praying and Marvin asked Jesus, “What gift would You likes to give us?” We both heard, “a new stomach.” I also heard, “peace.” Yeah God!

I felt a total peace going into town, also a lightness. Even while going into surgery…. By far the worst part is the pain from the gas afterwards. I was disappointed that Dr. found the same spot (as last time to get a better biopsy). The stomach looked the same, she took 10 samples.

When we got home Marvin and I talked a bit about our disappointment and yet we both feel something happened today even if it wasn’t complete healing. Healing is coming! It has begun!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., January 17, 2015
I try to pray and praise when I’m awake in the middle of the night, which seems to be 2-4 time. Last night as I was praying for healing. I had the thought that I/we should be praying that the middle lining of my stomach be healed. That is where Dr. thinks the problem is. So I did that. I continue to praise You, Jesus, for walking with me on this path.

After breakfast I had almost unbearable pain in my stomach. Marvin prayed, I tried laying down, getting up and walking around; finally after about an hour I took 2 of the pills Dr. prescribed to relieve gas. Within 30 min or less I was feeling better. I was feeling better after Marvin prayed too. In the middle of that I went to use the bathroom and was crying out to Jesus in pain. I think I heard Him say, “It won’t be long!” So, thank you, Jesus.!

I’m reading a book about the name of Jesus and what power and authority we have “in His Name!”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Prov. 18:10 - The Eternal is known to be like a sturdy watchtower; those who do right flee to Him for protection.

Today Jesus, I look forward to continue healing. I wonder, am I being too complacent about this? How do I push or come into full healing? What is my place in this, Lord? I know Jesus that You are my healer. What is keeping me from full complete healing?

“Rest in me, my child. Rest in my healing; it’s coming. Remember, I am making all things new.”
____





(Marvin)
For some time Yvonne has been thinking and talking about the bowl in Heaven in which the Lord collects the prayers of the saints. She has been feeling that the bowl is filling up and soon…soon it will happen! The Lord will pour them out and healing will begin!

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., January 21, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit, come fill me to overflowing today. I love Your gentle voice in the early morning hours; Your meeting with my spirit and connecting with how good God is. It’s a time of peace and me able to feel faith and comfort, speaking out who You say I am. I think I get it; it’s You speaking to my spirit. No wonder I’m relaxed and able to speak in faith “I am healed in Jesus’ name.” Spirit to spirit, You make all things new!

Last night before sleep, we were praying and I asked Jesus if all the buried emotions were dealt with. He said, “yes.” Then I asked for a picture of that. I heard “Thank God I am free, free, free from this world of sin!” I also saw a picture of me riding on a horse with both hands up in the air, “wild and free”, like. I was about 11 or 12. Thank you, Jesus!

Then I asked Jesus if the bowl (of prayers, tears) is full? Is it about ready to be poured out? We both heard,” It’s tipping!” I saw a bowl with the water just at the point of running over the side. Yeah God! Of course, I began crying. Praise you, Jesus! You are so good! I can do this! With you with me. Help me to continue to bring You praise!



Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, January 23, 2015
1 John 4:17 - Our love is made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because AS HE IS, SO ARE WE IN THIS WORLD.

I forgot to write down: yesterday as Marvin was praying for me, he heard “the bowl is being poured out.” Yeah God! By Your wounds, Jesus, I was healed (1 Peter 2:24). Again through Cindy, the Lord reminded me of Is. 26:34 - “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the ROCK ETERNAL.”

You, Jesus, are my peace! Help me focus on that! I am a new creation! I am not what I used to be. I am completely made new. I put off the old. I now rule and reign with Jesus!



Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., January 24, 2015
(Sara S., Rita N. and Dennis D. all sent us very encouraging emails!)
Ps. 130:5 - I wait for the Eternal - my soul awaits rescue and I put my hope in His transforming word.

When we were praying, asking Jesus about our bowl of prayers, I saw a picture of a bowl full and running over (raining down). I, along with others (I think) were standing in the rain with our arms upraised, singing and soaking in the overflow. I thought of the song “singing in the rain” and “my cup is full and running over.”


Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Again praying and Marvin saw a faint picture of Jesus smiling and like, beckoning to him to “come see what I want to show you”…. and the bowl was tipping!

Come and eat fresh bread, drink from the river of life, come to the river where the trees have healing in their leaves. Healing for me, healing for the nations. I come Lord, I will drink. I will eat Your bread, Jesus.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, January 26, 2015
Jer. 33:6 - Behold, I will bring (Jerusalem) health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth”.

Jesus, You bring health to me. Another verse comes to mind.
“Heal me and I will be healed, for You are my praise.”

Today I see Dr. again, praying for some answers. The interesting thing is, You, Jesus already know everything… so really, the only thing that changes is what we know in our mind. What doesn’t change is what we know in our spirits….YOU ARE FAITHFUL. You are good all the time. You are walking with us every step of the way! Thank you for peace, Jesus. Help me to stay there, let nothing steal it from me. As long as I keep my mind focused on You, I will have perfect peace.

We met with Dr. and it was what she thought all along, cancer is what it is: adenocarcinoma, gastric cancer (inoperable, incurable). Naturally, my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Jesus, the test results are the facts but I’m clinging to the truth: what You say, Jesus. YOU ARE MY HEALER! You are giving me a new stomach.

Your ways are perfect. You will redeem all this… I am healed in Jesus’ name!

Love is that while I was a sinner, Jesus Christ died for me!

I run into Your arms, Jesus
You love me!
You gave Your life for me
I run to You. You are my Rock, my firm foundation!


Yvonne
Journal entry
Thursday, Jan. 29, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. Today I choose to focus my thoughts on whatever is good, noble, right; on Your promises, Jesus. You have good plans for me. I will not die but live!

This morning, I asked Jesus if He would show me one thing that He is doing for me today. I saw a full coloured photo: someone sitting at a desk (I think female). In front of them, on the wall was a full coloured tv screen. It seems as though they were looking at all my information about my… test results?

When I shared this with Marvin, he thought, “she is seeing the full spectrum.” Light contains the full spectrum of colour. Jesus is light.

Jesus, is there something else You could show me to give me more understanding? FAITH, HOPE AND PEACE are the words I thought of. That is what Jesus is pouring into me, giving me. “Keep your eyes, your heart focused on Me, my child!”

Note: a lady called from the cancer clinic in Thunder Bay, booking me with tele health on Monday.


Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, January 30, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. I welcome You, I need You. Come fill me to overflowing today!

I’m so excited that Stephanie is coming tonight! Lord, I ask that You give her smooth flights, that they wouldn’t be delayed, all the way through.

JOY! Today, I choose to walk in joy! Marvin has been reading through my journal and he mentioned that I wrote quite a bit about me and Jesus dancing…I needed to be reminded of that. Zeph. 3:17 - Jesus dances over me with extreme joy! (word study in the concordance) Not only that but I get to dance with Him!

Yesterday as I was doing the hydrotherapy, I pictured (Eph. 3:20 - Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or imagine) me breathing in Holy Spirit, His breath, His light and that light and breath going down to the cancer cells and bringing oxygen and light (which apparently they don’t like) and bring the cancer cells to death. I stand on Your word, Jesus. 1 Peter 2:24 - “By Your wounds I have been healed.”
____

(Marvin)
During our reading and conversations with different doctors we have learned several things about cancer that we find very interesting, to say the least. There are different ways to kill a cancer cell. Some cancers are killed by chemotherapy or radiation but some aren’t. Interestingly, cancer also is killed by light and also, oxygen. Cancer can also be starved by a no sugar diet; the diet should be high in protein such as meat.

When we heard this we immediately had thoughts such as, “hmmm!” These things about cancer are in the natural but we know that the Spiritual is greater, far more superior than the natural. In the spiritual, Holy Spirit is the “pneuma”, the “breath of God”. He is the refreshing “cool of the day” in the Garden of Eden. Jesus is the “light of the world”, the “light of life”. Jesus also said that His flesh is “real food” and His blood is “real drink”. Scripture also says that spiritual food is “meat” and “milk”. Jesus also said that “man cannot live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God”. The words of Jesus are “spirit and life”. Jesus himself is the Word of God and in Him all of the promises of God are “yes and amen”. It was the Word himself who was “wounded for our transgressions and by His stripes we were healed.”

And so, Yvonne has been thinking, praying, “seeing” the breath of God flowing through her body, “seeing” the light of Jesus shining into the dark recesses of her body as she receives and declares the “meat” of the Word himself against the ungodly cancer that would steal, kill and destroy her life.

If you would like to join us in some way; in some way stand with us and for us, we would encourage you to pray in this same way. Please pray that the Light and Breath of God would wither up and “blow away” the disease and that any compromised cells would receive the nutrition of His flesh for healing and restoration of her energy.

AND HE HIMSELF BORE OUR SINS IN HIS BODY ON THE CROSS, SO THAT WE MIGHT DIE TO SIN AND LIVE TO RIGHTEOUSNESS; FOR BY HIS WOUNDS YOU WERE HEALED. 1 PETER 2:24

____


Yvonne
Journal entry
Feb. 2, 2015
PEACE: Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presence of God.

Janelle reminded me again of Ps. 126 - Remember when we were brought back from exile. It was as if we were dreaming. Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues were spilling over into song. The word went out everywhere!! “The Eternal one has done remarkable things for them.” We were stunned. We were happy, beyond joyful!
 Now, Eternal, release the poor, the captives. Restore our fortunes; release just as dry riverbeds come to life with spring rains.
Those who walk the fields to sow, casting their seeds in tears, will one day tread those same long rows amazed by what’s appeared. Those who weep as they walk and plant with sighs, will return singing with joy when they bring home the harvest.


Stephanie woke up this morning and heard “it’s gone” in relation to cancer! Danae had a dream Saturday night that the girls were here and I was healed!!

I cling to Your word, Jesus. By Your wounds I have been healed.



Yvonne
Journal entry
Tue., February 3, 2015
Today I was totally exhausted. I slept an hour in the morning and laid on the couch about 2 hours in the afternoon. Marvin made the comment “healing is hard work.” Yes Jesus, you are my healer! I am healed in Jesus’ name.

As the light of Jesus and the breath of the Holy Spirit go down through me with my spirit connecting to Holy Spirit, the light and breath of oxygen is killing every cancer cell and washing, blowing them out of my body. Jesus’ light is bringing, replacing the old dead cells with new healthy cells.

SINGING IN THE RAIN
BELOLD I MAKE ALL THINGS NEW!
“I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD” - JESUS
WIND OF THE HOLY SPIRIT BLOW THROUGH ME!


____




(Marvin)
If you would like to join us in prayer for healing, I would encourage you to pray in faith, believing for healing. Spend time with the Lord and find that place of peace in His Presence. Quiet yourself in Him. And then, when you have found that place of quiet, that cleft in the Rock that is covered by His own hand, then, pray.

Pray His heart for the advancement of His Kingdom. Pray His heart for Yvonne as revealed by His stripes, His poured out blood and His resurrection by the power of Holy Spirit. Pray His heart as revealed by Him sending a healing angel to her.

Please don’t pray out of fear or desperation. We are not trying to convince Him to do something that He is not sure that He wants to do. We are not trying to twist His arm or manipulate Him in any way; what a ludicrous and bizarre thought.

Why did Jesus say these things to her/us? Why would she be healed and not so many others who have also prayed for His healing grace? I don’t know. I could speculate or give ideas but I can’t go there. Our goal is to grow in grace along with the body of Christ. May this account be a testimony to the Grace of God for us, Jesus Christ. May the people of God be encouraged to continue to press into Him in spite of our many questions. May our questions cause us to pursue Him and step out boldly for Kingdom breakthrough instead of becoming passive in Kingdom living; certainly, true Kingdom living can never be passive. He is our answer.

We want to know Him and, therefore, His ways. We want to see the Lord Jesus glorified and Yvonne experience His compassion and righteousness.

Our only confidence is the poured out blood of Jesus Christ. It is only because of His finished work on Calvary that we have any hope of healing of any kind; spirit, soul or body. FOR BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THROUGH FAITH; AND THAT NOT OF YOURSELVES, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD; NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS SO THAT NO ONE MAY BOAST. (Eph. 2:8,9)

We are not believing in Jesus for healing for Yvonne because Yvonne is so wonderful, or Yvonne is so faithful or Yvonne has done so much for Jesus or Jesus owes Yvonne because of…. something. No. It is by virtue of the blood of Jesus that was given for her salvation, the stripes that He took for her healing and the Word that He gave that says so. She is saved by grace; she didn’t earn it.

Yvonne: “It may be incurable but it’s not unhealable!”

MAY JESUS CHRIST BE GLORIFIED!