(Marvin)
On Monday, March 23, Yvonne had a scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor met with her, asked a few questions and told her that she needed to be admitted into the hospital. The doctor wanted to run some tests and see how far the cancer had spread and what needed to be done to treat the symptoms Yvonne had. She had lost some more weight, her energy level had dropped significantly, there was swelling in her left arm and ankles, as well as other symptoms.
I was not surprised to hear her decision. I had almost suggested we pack a bag of clothes to take along, just in case. We were admitted and they immediately did a CT scan and a chest X-ray. Then we waited. The next day we received a preliminary report which didn't sound too bad. It didn't look like the cancer had spread but it was affecting the lymph nodes in the left arm along with some other symptoms. Then we waited. On Wednesday, March 25 we heard the full medical report of her condition or at least what was necessary for us to hear. It wasn't good.
The radiologist had reviewed the scan and compared it to the one taken back on November 17, 2014. Then she saw a more accurate picture of her abdomen. The cancer had spread after all. It was in her liver and her spine as well as causing swelling in the lymph nodes in her arm which restricted the return circulation, causing swelling in her arm. There was also a lot of excess fluid in her abdomen.
As the doctor was talking in her soft, gentle way, there was that strange, surreal feeling of...I knew what was coming. Then she said that, from her opinion based on experience, it was time for us to call our family so that they could make plans to come and say goodbye to Yvonne. And so we did.
I am very aware that far too many of us have had to do that because of cancer. I sincerely apologize for bringing back such painful memories. May the Lord continue to bring healing to each of us.
That evening we began to make the phone calls. That was incredibly difficult. How painful it is to see your words cause so much pain and bewilderment. Such sorrow and stunned disbelief.
But there was, and still is, another difficulty. How do you communicate fact while holding onto Truth? We readily acknowledge the presence of cancer. That is a fact. We know that without divine intervention there will soon be physical death. We don't deny that fact. The tension we find ourselves in is, how do we...(I'm staring at the "page" while trying to find the right word) accept? Not deny?...The reality of facts without embracing them as being the only option? What is the difference between fact and Truth?
The Truth I refer to is, of course, JESUS CHRIST. Gravity is a fact but one day TRUTH ascended (Luke 24:51). That wall Is a fact but one day TRUTH walked right through it (John 20:26). TRUTH transcends fact. Do we deny the reality of fact? No. But when TRUTH speaks a WORD that addresses fact, what is to be our response?
Do you remember Yvonne's August 16, 2014 journal entry? That's when Jesus told her that He was giving her a new stomach that was free of pain and ulcers. She was surprised. She had no idea she needed a new stomach. It was Jesus who spoke first and promised a new stomach. That is one of my biggest encouragements. Jesus spoke first. He promised. There are definitely times when I begin to wonder if we have "missed it", or maybe it's just "wishful thinking" concerning what we've heard.
But in times like that, Yvonne and I both come back to all the WORDS that we know we heard. One of those WORDS that I know I heard was when Yvonne and I were praying a few minutes after the Dr had advised us to call the family. We, in prayer, presented the Lord with the two reports: the Drs report and the Lord's report of a new stomach. "Which report is the greatest?", I asked. I immediately heard a firm, emphatic voice say, "My word is truth, my word is law. It will happen."
One thing I must absolutely establish is that at no time do we ever accept a personal prophetic word above or in place of the written Word of God. His Scripture is inerrant and infallible. We do not chase after prophecies or "the voice". Everything must be judged according to Scripture. Our first and primary Voice from God is the written Word of God. In addition, Yvonne and I both appreciate and value highly prophetic ministry. We have no doubt that God still speaks today to His people in many ways.
What would you do with something like that? It agrees with scripture, it agrees with the nature of God, it agrees with everything that we have been hearing as from the Lord in this situation and it grants us the desires of our hearts.
When I look at my life and my experiences and compare them with the Word of God, I see a great discrepancy in many ways. I am not happy with that. In order to close the gap between what I am currently experiencing as a believer and what Scripture teaches and encourages me to rise up and live, I have a choice. Either I pray the Lord to increase my faith, humility and boldness so that I may be more like Him or I can try, even unconsciously, to "dumb down" the Word so that it fits my life experiences. If I rationalize the Word to fit my experience and abilities I can feel better about myself. There is no way that a lover of God wants that to happen.
There is so much that I'd like to say about healing and my journey with the Lord but maybe I've said enough for now. I know that many people have lost a loved one in a terribly disappointing way, even as I have. I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord in such a way as to learn His ways and know His heart. I believe that hearing His Voice is absolutely essential in that relationship.
March 29, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
GOD'S GREAT GRACE, PART 2
God’s Great Grace
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 4, 2015
Today, I praise You, Jesus. Your are so good. Thank you for Your protection, Your healing touch. Help me to abide in You, remain in Your loving arms, surrounded by You, connected to You. When I stay there, I can feel Your heartbeat, hear Your voice even if it’s a whisper!
Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 5, 2015
I dreamed that we were in a parking lot and Chalon was in a green Aerostar. I was with her, sitting behind her (she was driving) and someone was sitting beside me. She backed out of the parking lot, then we went down the road. All of a sudden, we came to, like, a canyon and the bridge was gone. We could see across to the other side. I saw part of a wooden bridge just hanging along the canyon (cliff) wall. We didn’t have a chance to stop.
As we were flying through the air I say, “Roll your windows down”. Chalon and I do so. The other lady says “why”? I said, “So we can get out, once we land in the water.” Then, I began praying in tongues, almost screaming. I’m also quoting parts of Ps. 91.
Now we are in the water. I’m trying to push us away from the rock wall; seems like I’m trying to keep us from going into a cave.
Now the other lady is in a boat and is in the front, in shock and not doing anything. I’m telling her, “Get the paddles, get the paddles!” I look out and see Chalon going under, coming up and going under again. I’m now in the boat and trying to get to her. The boat is filling up with water.
I look up and see a truck driver. (There is a street right there). I’m screaming for help. He sees me, kind of smiles and drives away, refusing to help.
Now I’m talking to a man - from India? - asking him to help. Somewhere in all of this I see boats like yachts coming into the harbour, they were in the distance. He says to me, “Go to pier 1. Someone will meet you there.”
Yvonne
Journal entry
Fri., February 6, 2015
As I was sitting here this morning with my tea and meditating, I thought that I should re-read the ‘Jesus Calling’ devotional on my Kindle. Then I saw the ’40 Days With Jesus’ devotional and turned to that one. As I did, I heard “40 days and you’ll be better.”
I need to talk to You a bit more about that one Jesus. Oh, how I would love that!
(Next day) Jesus, is that really what I heard? Is this just wishful thinking?
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., February 7, 2015
Mary Jane K. called this week to say that she had had a dream. In the dream she was in a church meeting and they were praying for people. Two people were in wheelchairs at the front. The speaker prayed for the man and he got up out of the wheelchair and walked away.
The woman in the other chair raised her hands and a hand reached down, “out of nowhere”, and stretched toward her hands. The hand didn’t even touch her but she was healed and got up.
Mary Jane knew it was me and that I was in the wheelchair because I was weak.
The girls (4 of our daughters. Sarah is in Switzerland with YWAM) arrived on Friday morning. It is so good to have them here! I felt all along we’re getting together to celebrate life! It’s so good to laugh, sing, pray together. Thank you, Jesus, for this time with them!
Psalm 20:1 Jesus, may You answer me, come and rescue me when I’m desperately clinging to the end of my rope. May you, Jesus, Holy Father, be my shelter.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, February 16, 2015
Psalm 20:2-7 (personalized) You, Jesus, extend hope and help to me. (4) May You grant the dreams of my heart and see my plans through to the end. When I win, I will not be silent! I will sing and shout! I will raise my banners in the great name of God! May You, Jesus, Eternal One, say ‘yes’ to all my requests! (healing is a big one right now) (6) I don’t need to fear, because help will come from You! Because He has anointed me, heaven will respond to my plea. (7) I put my trust in the name of the Lord God, the True God.
Luke 6:45 - The heart overflows in the words a person speaks; your words reveal what’s within your heart.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 18, 2015
Stephanie (daughter) texted me saying she dreamed that I was dancing. She said, “Your time of dancing is coming! Tell your soul “return to your rest”.
She also gave me Ps. 116:4-9. Vs. 7 says - O my soul! Return and relax. Come to your true rest, for the Eternal has showered you with his favour.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 19, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. I welcome You. I need you! You are my life, my breath. Fill me anew today.
I’ve been really slack on writing. Not sure what’s up, having a hard time sometimes hanging on to joy and remembering Your promises, Jesus. Yet almost every day someone emails, or calls to let me know they are praying. Thank you, Lord. I do feel very loved! Especially Marvin. He has been so good, such a good picture of you, Jesus! June too, she spent all afternoon cooking and baking yesterday! (Yvonne’s sister, June, came up from Pennsylvania for 10 days. What a blessing!)
______
(Marvin)
Lately, the biggest challenge for Yvonne has been a decreasing level of energy. Although there have been some encouraging signs such as a slow increase in food intake (very slow) and even a 2 pound weight gain 2 weeks in a row, (!) there has been a significant loss of energy. It is a chore for her to get out of the tub after a hot bath; I usually have to help her stand up. She has to push on her knees when she goes up steps, resting after 4 or 5 steps. She is out of breath if she coughs a few times, which is happening often lately as well. A nagging, dry cough has developed that takes much energy from her. There obviously is an increasing problem. How’s that for an understatement?
And yet….! As she lay in bed on the 27th, she saw a door in her mind, a vision perhaps? It was a “Door of Hope” and she drew it in her journal the next day. The door opened, somehow, and some hope came through it. As the door opened wider, the hope that came through increased, it grew larger, there was more of it. The phrase that she thought of was “…hope does not disappoint us.” (Rom. 5:5, NIV).
She also woke up, again, at 3:33. A corresponding scripture reference is Jer. 33:3 - “Call to me and I will answer you. I will tell you of great things, things beyond what you can imagine, things you could never have known.” Another passage is Ps. 33:3 - “Sing to Him a new song; play each the best way you can, and don’t be afraid to be bold with your joyful feelings.” We find it amazing how He speaks even through digital clocks!
_____
Yvonne
Journal entry
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Come, sing unto the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously. Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me again to overflowing today. Thank you for always being here, living in me, being my comforter, my friend. Open my eyes today to see even the small things You are doing.
The days get long as everything seems to take so much energy which I don’t seem to have. Eating also is a chore. Strengthen me today, help me to be joyful and thankful to focus on You! I pray for continued healing, believing that He who began a good work in me will complete it. Help my body to absorb the nutrients it needs from the food I eat.
My word for today: HOPE.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Church was great! Sue Keddy was the speaker for the ladies retreat. At the end, a lot of women went up front for the last song; the Lord’s presence was strong. I stayed at our bench. Mary Jane K. came over to pray for me; actually quite a few people came over and prayed and encouraged. me.
While MJ was praying she patted my stomach, rather vigorously and prayed with “feeling”! Then she kept saying over and over, “it has begun, it has begun, it has begun!” I felt something change in my stomach. I can’t say what it was, but something is happening. I’m clinging to that! He who began a good work in me will complete it! I also keep thinking of the verse, “I will not die but LIVE!!” Let FAITH arise!
“Stop, wait, watch and be amazed at what I’m going to do! How it will come about you wouldn’t believe even if you were told.” Habbakuk 1:5
(Sue’s message was basically that the Lord says to (1) trust my Word, (2) trust my ways, (3) trust my timing. I think the hardest for us is to trust His timing.)
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., March 4, 2015
March fourth! March “forth!” “March on, my soul, with courage!” (Judges 5:21)
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Jer. 30:17 - For I will make you well again and heal your wounds.
I woke up at 12:34 and it seemed so clear: everything is in order, in line. 1,2,3,4! Yay, God! Continue to give me wisdom and understanding. Holy Spirit. I want to walk with you each step of the way.
Thank you for healing me.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, March 9, 2015
I woke up again at 12:34.
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. What a beautiful morning, fresh wet snow covering all the trees, clinging to them. Though my sins are red and scarlet, You, Jesus, washed them white as snow.
Early this morning I dreamed that I was in hospital, taken to the labour/delivery room. I was in labour and I knew I had already had 5 children. The room was a ward with at least 5 beds (close together) in it. I was in the corner bed. They had brought me a meal and I put it on the table beside my bed. Marvin was in the building but not there in the room at the moment.
As I was going into this room, it seems as though I knew and the nurses knew that I had lost a baby the previous year….
When I woke up I had a sense of excitement, an anticipation of what I’m birthing. I also thought that the death was the cancer…
(Marvin) The Lord also gave her Isaiah 12 which also was very encouraging.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, March 13, 2015
Is. 52:12 - Go in confidence and grace - no rushing, no frantic escape. There’s no need to be anxious - the Eternal One goes before and behind you. The God of Israel paves the way with assurance and strength. He watches your back.
I’m dancing in the rain of Your glory, Father! Dancing with my Father God in the house of praise! (John 11:4) This sickness will not end in death but for Your glory, God!!! I speak life to my body, I speak life to my spirit and soul.
_____
(Marvin)
Remember the entry on Friday, February 6? The 40 days from then lands on next Tuesday, the 17th. We plan on having the elders from New Life Assembly in Sioux Lookout pray for Yvonne during church tomorrow which is actually 38 days from the 6th. We anticipate seeing very soon a touch of the Lord on Yvonne, we pray tomorrow! If you see this in time, would you join us?
Thank you so much for your prayers. Almost every day we receive word from someone that they are praying, thinking about her. Thank you.
HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 4, 2015
Today, I praise You, Jesus. Your are so good. Thank you for Your protection, Your healing touch. Help me to abide in You, remain in Your loving arms, surrounded by You, connected to You. When I stay there, I can feel Your heartbeat, hear Your voice even if it’s a whisper!
Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 5, 2015
I dreamed that we were in a parking lot and Chalon was in a green Aerostar. I was with her, sitting behind her (she was driving) and someone was sitting beside me. She backed out of the parking lot, then we went down the road. All of a sudden, we came to, like, a canyon and the bridge was gone. We could see across to the other side. I saw part of a wooden bridge just hanging along the canyon (cliff) wall. We didn’t have a chance to stop.
As we were flying through the air I say, “Roll your windows down”. Chalon and I do so. The other lady says “why”? I said, “So we can get out, once we land in the water.” Then, I began praying in tongues, almost screaming. I’m also quoting parts of Ps. 91.
Now we are in the water. I’m trying to push us away from the rock wall; seems like I’m trying to keep us from going into a cave.
Now the other lady is in a boat and is in the front, in shock and not doing anything. I’m telling her, “Get the paddles, get the paddles!” I look out and see Chalon going under, coming up and going under again. I’m now in the boat and trying to get to her. The boat is filling up with water.
I look up and see a truck driver. (There is a street right there). I’m screaming for help. He sees me, kind of smiles and drives away, refusing to help.
Now I’m talking to a man - from India? - asking him to help. Somewhere in all of this I see boats like yachts coming into the harbour, they were in the distance. He says to me, “Go to pier 1. Someone will meet you there.”
Yvonne
Journal entry
Fri., February 6, 2015
As I was sitting here this morning with my tea and meditating, I thought that I should re-read the ‘Jesus Calling’ devotional on my Kindle. Then I saw the ’40 Days With Jesus’ devotional and turned to that one. As I did, I heard “40 days and you’ll be better.”
I need to talk to You a bit more about that one Jesus. Oh, how I would love that!
(Next day) Jesus, is that really what I heard? Is this just wishful thinking?
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sat., February 7, 2015
Mary Jane K. called this week to say that she had had a dream. In the dream she was in a church meeting and they were praying for people. Two people were in wheelchairs at the front. The speaker prayed for the man and he got up out of the wheelchair and walked away.
The woman in the other chair raised her hands and a hand reached down, “out of nowhere”, and stretched toward her hands. The hand didn’t even touch her but she was healed and got up.
Mary Jane knew it was me and that I was in the wheelchair because I was weak.
The girls (4 of our daughters. Sarah is in Switzerland with YWAM) arrived on Friday morning. It is so good to have them here! I felt all along we’re getting together to celebrate life! It’s so good to laugh, sing, pray together. Thank you, Jesus, for this time with them!
Psalm 20:1 Jesus, may You answer me, come and rescue me when I’m desperately clinging to the end of my rope. May you, Jesus, Holy Father, be my shelter.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, February 16, 2015
Psalm 20:2-7 (personalized) You, Jesus, extend hope and help to me. (4) May You grant the dreams of my heart and see my plans through to the end. When I win, I will not be silent! I will sing and shout! I will raise my banners in the great name of God! May You, Jesus, Eternal One, say ‘yes’ to all my requests! (healing is a big one right now) (6) I don’t need to fear, because help will come from You! Because He has anointed me, heaven will respond to my plea. (7) I put my trust in the name of the Lord God, the True God.
Luke 6:45 - The heart overflows in the words a person speaks; your words reveal what’s within your heart.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., February 18, 2015
Stephanie (daughter) texted me saying she dreamed that I was dancing. She said, “Your time of dancing is coming! Tell your soul “return to your rest”.
She also gave me Ps. 116:4-9. Vs. 7 says - O my soul! Return and relax. Come to your true rest, for the Eternal has showered you with his favour.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Thur., February 19, 2015
Good morning, Holy Spirit. I welcome You. I need you! You are my life, my breath. Fill me anew today.
I’ve been really slack on writing. Not sure what’s up, having a hard time sometimes hanging on to joy and remembering Your promises, Jesus. Yet almost every day someone emails, or calls to let me know they are praying. Thank you, Lord. I do feel very loved! Especially Marvin. He has been so good, such a good picture of you, Jesus! June too, she spent all afternoon cooking and baking yesterday! (Yvonne’s sister, June, came up from Pennsylvania for 10 days. What a blessing!)
______
(Marvin)
Lately, the biggest challenge for Yvonne has been a decreasing level of energy. Although there have been some encouraging signs such as a slow increase in food intake (very slow) and even a 2 pound weight gain 2 weeks in a row, (!) there has been a significant loss of energy. It is a chore for her to get out of the tub after a hot bath; I usually have to help her stand up. She has to push on her knees when she goes up steps, resting after 4 or 5 steps. She is out of breath if she coughs a few times, which is happening often lately as well. A nagging, dry cough has developed that takes much energy from her. There obviously is an increasing problem. How’s that for an understatement?
And yet….! As she lay in bed on the 27th, she saw a door in her mind, a vision perhaps? It was a “Door of Hope” and she drew it in her journal the next day. The door opened, somehow, and some hope came through it. As the door opened wider, the hope that came through increased, it grew larger, there was more of it. The phrase that she thought of was “…hope does not disappoint us.” (Rom. 5:5, NIV).
She also woke up, again, at 3:33. A corresponding scripture reference is Jer. 33:3 - “Call to me and I will answer you. I will tell you of great things, things beyond what you can imagine, things you could never have known.” Another passage is Ps. 33:3 - “Sing to Him a new song; play each the best way you can, and don’t be afraid to be bold with your joyful feelings.” We find it amazing how He speaks even through digital clocks!
_____
Yvonne
Journal entry
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Come, sing unto the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously. Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me again to overflowing today. Thank you for always being here, living in me, being my comforter, my friend. Open my eyes today to see even the small things You are doing.
The days get long as everything seems to take so much energy which I don’t seem to have. Eating also is a chore. Strengthen me today, help me to be joyful and thankful to focus on You! I pray for continued healing, believing that He who began a good work in me will complete it. Help my body to absorb the nutrients it needs from the food I eat.
My word for today: HOPE.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Church was great! Sue Keddy was the speaker for the ladies retreat. At the end, a lot of women went up front for the last song; the Lord’s presence was strong. I stayed at our bench. Mary Jane K. came over to pray for me; actually quite a few people came over and prayed and encouraged. me.
While MJ was praying she patted my stomach, rather vigorously and prayed with “feeling”! Then she kept saying over and over, “it has begun, it has begun, it has begun!” I felt something change in my stomach. I can’t say what it was, but something is happening. I’m clinging to that! He who began a good work in me will complete it! I also keep thinking of the verse, “I will not die but LIVE!!” Let FAITH arise!
“Stop, wait, watch and be amazed at what I’m going to do! How it will come about you wouldn’t believe even if you were told.” Habbakuk 1:5
(Sue’s message was basically that the Lord says to (1) trust my Word, (2) trust my ways, (3) trust my timing. I think the hardest for us is to trust His timing.)
Yvonne
Journal entry
Wed., March 4, 2015
March fourth! March “forth!” “March on, my soul, with courage!” (Judges 5:21)
Yvonne
Journal entry
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Jer. 30:17 - For I will make you well again and heal your wounds.
I woke up at 12:34 and it seemed so clear: everything is in order, in line. 1,2,3,4! Yay, God! Continue to give me wisdom and understanding. Holy Spirit. I want to walk with you each step of the way.
Thank you for healing me.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Monday, March 9, 2015
I woke up again at 12:34.
Good morning, Holy Spirit. Come fill me anew today. What a beautiful morning, fresh wet snow covering all the trees, clinging to them. Though my sins are red and scarlet, You, Jesus, washed them white as snow.
Early this morning I dreamed that I was in hospital, taken to the labour/delivery room. I was in labour and I knew I had already had 5 children. The room was a ward with at least 5 beds (close together) in it. I was in the corner bed. They had brought me a meal and I put it on the table beside my bed. Marvin was in the building but not there in the room at the moment.
As I was going into this room, it seems as though I knew and the nurses knew that I had lost a baby the previous year….
When I woke up I had a sense of excitement, an anticipation of what I’m birthing. I also thought that the death was the cancer…
(Marvin) The Lord also gave her Isaiah 12 which also was very encouraging.
Yvonne
Journal entry
Friday, March 13, 2015
Is. 52:12 - Go in confidence and grace - no rushing, no frantic escape. There’s no need to be anxious - the Eternal One goes before and behind you. The God of Israel paves the way with assurance and strength. He watches your back.
I’m dancing in the rain of Your glory, Father! Dancing with my Father God in the house of praise! (John 11:4) This sickness will not end in death but for Your glory, God!!! I speak life to my body, I speak life to my spirit and soul.
_____
(Marvin)
Remember the entry on Friday, February 6? The 40 days from then lands on next Tuesday, the 17th. We plan on having the elders from New Life Assembly in Sioux Lookout pray for Yvonne during church tomorrow which is actually 38 days from the 6th. We anticipate seeing very soon a touch of the Lord on Yvonne, we pray tomorrow! If you see this in time, would you join us?
Thank you so much for your prayers. Almost every day we receive word from someone that they are praying, thinking about her. Thank you.
HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!
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