(Marvin)
On Monday, March 23, Yvonne had a scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor met with her, asked a few questions and told her that she needed to be admitted into the hospital. The doctor wanted to run some tests and see how far the cancer had spread and what needed to be done to treat the symptoms Yvonne had. She had lost some more weight, her energy level had dropped significantly, there was swelling in her left arm and ankles, as well as other symptoms.
I was not surprised to hear her decision. I had almost suggested we pack a bag of clothes to take along, just in case. We were admitted and they immediately did a CT scan and a chest X-ray. Then we waited. The next day we received a preliminary report which didn't sound too bad. It didn't look like the cancer had spread but it was affecting the lymph nodes in the left arm along with some other symptoms. Then we waited. On Wednesday, March 25 we heard the full medical report of her condition or at least what was necessary for us to hear. It wasn't good.
The radiologist had reviewed the scan and compared it to the one taken back on November 17, 2014. Then she saw a more accurate picture of her abdomen. The cancer had spread after all. It was in her liver and her spine as well as causing swelling in the lymph nodes in her arm which restricted the return circulation, causing swelling in her arm. There was also a lot of excess fluid in her abdomen.
As the doctor was talking in her soft, gentle way, there was that strange, surreal feeling of...I knew what was coming. Then she said that, from her opinion based on experience, it was time for us to call our family so that they could make plans to come and say goodbye to Yvonne. And so we did.
I am very aware that far too many of us have had to do that because of cancer. I sincerely apologize for bringing back such painful memories. May the Lord continue to bring healing to each of us.
That evening we began to make the phone calls. That was incredibly difficult. How painful it is to see your words cause so much pain and bewilderment. Such sorrow and stunned disbelief.
But there was, and still is, another difficulty. How do you communicate fact while holding onto Truth? We readily acknowledge the presence of cancer. That is a fact. We know that without divine intervention there will soon be physical death. We don't deny that fact. The tension we find ourselves in is, how do we...(I'm staring at the "page" while trying to find the right word) accept? Not deny?...The reality of facts without embracing them as being the only option? What is the difference between fact and Truth?
The Truth I refer to is, of course, JESUS CHRIST. Gravity is a fact but one day TRUTH ascended (Luke 24:51). That wall Is a fact but one day TRUTH walked right through it (John 20:26). TRUTH transcends fact. Do we deny the reality of fact? No. But when TRUTH speaks a WORD that addresses fact, what is to be our response?
Do you remember Yvonne's August 16, 2014 journal entry? That's when Jesus told her that He was giving her a new stomach that was free of pain and ulcers. She was surprised. She had no idea she needed a new stomach. It was Jesus who spoke first and promised a new stomach. That is one of my biggest encouragements. Jesus spoke first. He promised. There are definitely times when I begin to wonder if we have "missed it", or maybe it's just "wishful thinking" concerning what we've heard.
But in times like that, Yvonne and I both come back to all the WORDS that we know we heard. One of those WORDS that I know I heard was when Yvonne and I were praying a few minutes after the Dr had advised us to call the family. We, in prayer, presented the Lord with the two reports: the Drs report and the Lord's report of a new stomach. "Which report is the greatest?", I asked. I immediately heard a firm, emphatic voice say, "My word is truth, my word is law. It will happen."
One thing I must absolutely establish is that at no time do we ever accept a personal prophetic word above or in place of the written Word of God. His Scripture is inerrant and infallible. We do not chase after prophecies or "the voice". Everything must be judged according to Scripture. Our first and primary Voice from God is the written Word of God. In addition, Yvonne and I both appreciate and value highly prophetic ministry. We have no doubt that God still speaks today to His people in many ways.
What would you do with something like that? It agrees with scripture, it agrees with the nature of God, it agrees with everything that we have been hearing as from the Lord in this situation and it grants us the desires of our hearts.
When I look at my life and my experiences and compare them with the Word of God, I see a great discrepancy in many ways. I am not happy with that. In order to close the gap between what I am currently experiencing as a believer and what Scripture teaches and encourages me to rise up and live, I have a choice. Either I pray the Lord to increase my faith, humility and boldness so that I may be more like Him or I can try, even unconsciously, to "dumb down" the Word so that it fits my life experiences. If I rationalize the Word to fit my experience and abilities I can feel better about myself. There is no way that a lover of God wants that to happen.
There is so much that I'd like to say about healing and my journey with the Lord but maybe I've said enough for now. I know that many people have lost a loved one in a terribly disappointing way, even as I have. I want to grow in my relationship with the Lord in such a way as to learn His ways and know His heart. I believe that hearing His Voice is absolutely essential in that relationship.
March 29, 2015
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